Man lets special anniversary pass without any celebration

Dear Abby: I have been married to my husband 25 years as of today. He has done absolutely nothing to commemorate this. I reminded him months ago to save for something because it was very important to me.

Every year it’s the same old nothing. He asked me to remind him and I did, but it made no difference. Same with my birthday. If something was important to him, he always saved for it. I have money put away we could have used, and he knew this.

The only time he shows me any kind of emotion or love/sex is when he’s drunk. But he swears he loves me. I don’t suspect cheating. I’m at the end of my rope. This 25th anniversary really hurt me. He said we’ll do something when he can. I feel worthy of nothing, like I don’t matter.

What do I do? — Anniversary Sadness

Dear Anniversary Sadness: If the only time your husband shows you any kind of affectionate attention is when he is drunk, you have bigger problems than the fact that he “forgets” special occasions. Is this the way you want to spend the next 25 years of your life?

Receiving gifts does not make a person “worthy.” You need to work on your level of self-esteem. As expensive as a celebration might have been, a gift you could both benefit from would be couples counseling.

Dear Abby: My wonderful mother-in-law recently turned 92. She uses adult diapers and her urine really stinks. I don’t think she changes it often enough. I’m afraid that she may get an infection.

Her children refuse to discuss the issue with her. I don’t think there’s anything that can be done to address her incontinence issue due to her age and other medical issues. However, I think it would help if she drank more fluids so her urine wouldn’t be so concentrated. I have talked to her about drinking more water, but she doesn’t want to because then she would need to urinate more.

I love my MIL, but I can’t stand to be near her. I feel that any discussions should come from her children, but they don’t want to bring it up with her. What can be done? — Keeping My Distance

Dear Keeping: Has your mother-in-law seen a urologist and been told nothing can be done about her incontinence, or is she so embarrassed she hasn’t seen one? Because her children refuse to discuss this with their mother, the ball is in your court. Please urge her to see a doctor. As people age their sense of smell can diminish, she may not be aware of the problem you’re describing.

She does need to drink more water and change her diaper more often. Her health could depend upon it. She also needs to see a urologist.