Son-in-law’s distraction may be more than forgetfulness

Dear Abby: I’m responding to the writer from “Openand-Shut Case in Virginia” (Oct. 20), who complained her son-in-law, “Kirk” was “disrespectful” because he didn’t close cupboard doors, cereal boxes, etc. I think he is displaying classic symptoms of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (AADD), which affects my husband. (It was not diagnosed until he was in his 50s).

I strongly recommend that Kirk be evaluated by a behavioral psychologist for AADD. Treatment may save the relationship between Kirk and his in-laws. — Wife Of A Man With A.A.D.D.

Dear Wife: Thank you for your letter. I received a deluge of responses about the letter from “Open-and-Shut Case in Virginia,” and the vast majority of the writers mentioned

ADD, ADHD and AADD. Many of them recommended patience from the in-laws and volunteered that Kirk may be able to manage the disorder if he is diagnosed.

Dear Abby: I am a 73-yearold retired woman who still maintains contact with a number of old and new friends for movies, dinner, museum visits, etc. Until the covid virus, we did things often. Not so much now.

Someone in this group told me that on a couple of occasions, a few of them were not very nice when my name came up. (“Why doesn’t she see her grandkids more often?”) My husband and I have a good marriage, but many of these ladies are widowed or divorced. How do you handle backstabbing at this age? — Mystified In New York

Dear Mystified: Try not to take it personally. Obviously, these gossips have less to occupy their minds. You might consider seeing these particular individuals even less often than you already do. It may give them less ammunition concerning what you do with your time.

Dear Abby: I began using a wheelchair two years ago. Since then a dear friend of roughly 30 years has become fixated on my disability. She now speaks to me in baby talk and only shows an interest in my physical limitations. I feel objectified and hurt.

I have said to her that I prefer to focus on other things, and she responds with platitudes like, “The body is just a shell,” and “All that matters is the heart,” but her actions tell me otherwise. I hate to end this friendship, but I am at the end of my rope. Any advice? — Patronized In Arizona

Dear Patronized: If you haven’t done it already, tell this person that you no longer wish to discuss your disability and you prefer she stop raising the subject and treating you differently. Period. If she continues to pursue the subject after that, make your visits less frequent, if they happen at all.