Man is weighed down by sadness four years after separation

Dear Abby: I’ve been separated from my wife for about four years, at her request. It was justified. I wasn’t the best husband. I wasn’t abusive, but I was sad and felt sorry for myself.

I took her for granted and didn’t show her the affection she deserved. I have been going to therapy to work through issues that contributed to me being a bad husband. I wanted to try counseling with her, but she refused.

She has a new boyfriend but still hasn’t filed for divorce. They hang out with people I grew up with. It’s my own hang-up, but it makes me feel embarrassed and like I can never hang out with my friends again. I get upset when I see Facebook posts with her and her boyfriend that my family have added heart emojis or nice comments to.

Is my estranged wife belittling me by not filing for divorce and hanging out with my friends and a new boyfriend? Are my friends and family betraying me by being friends with them? — Broken Beyond Repair

Dear Broken: Marriages end for many reasons. If I read your letter correctly, your wife left because she could no longer cope with someone who was in a chronic state of depression, not because you were a “bad husband.”

You are doing your best to improve your mental state, and for that I applaud you. You should not feel embarrassed or humiliated because she has found a new relationship. Please discuss these feelings with your therapist.

It may also be time to take the initiative and file for the divorce. Quit avoiding your longtime friends. Because posts on the internet about your almost-ex and her boyfriend cause you pain, block or delete them.

Dear Abby: My boyfriend has an 8-year-old daughter who lives with us part time. Sometimes I watch her when her dad is out running errands or working.

At times she’s rude and disrespectful. When I ask her to do something, she doesn’t always do it.

I will not continue to tolerate her behavior and attitude. I have spoken with her dad about it, but he has done nothing to correct the problem. Please tell me what to do. — Frustrated “Stepmom”

Dear Frustrated: The next time you are asked to watch your boyfriend’s daughter, decline and clearly state the reason why. Perhaps when it becomes inconvenient for him, he will assert himself, act like a parent and insist that his daughter behave respectfully. If not, you may have to rethink the relationship.