Family friend knows too much about couple’s finance

Dear Abby: I have been friends with “Pete” and “Pam,” more than 20 years. Pam is keeping secrets from Pete, and I need a way to address my concerns to Pete.

He works full time and his salary goes into a joint bank account. Pam handles all the finances. When Pete and I hang out and he asks Pam for small amounts of money, she says, “Sorry, we don’t have it.” Pam also secretly borrows cash from me. She pays it back late sometimes. I told her to tell Pete, but I don’t think she did. I’m her enabler but I’m not doing it anymore.

Pete thinks they have all this money saved for a house. I’m starting to think Pam has spent it, or most of it. How can I tell Pete to check their finances without starting World War III? I’d hate to lose my friends over this, but I’m afraid the money he is earning is going somewhere else. Please help. — In Danger Of Losing Friends

Dear In Danger: Tell Pete everything you have written to me. If he is so financially ignorant that he doesn’t know how to check his balances and his credit rating, he should talk with a CPA for help. Whether Pam has a spending problem or some other type of addiction, he needs to know. He also needs to know his dreams of homeownership may be postponed.

Dear Abby: I’m a 37-yearold woman who has had to move back to my mother’s home. I love her dearly and appreciate her letting me stay with her. However, I never have any alone time at home or even out when I socialize. She’s close with all my friends and goes to the same bars and restaurants I do.

When I go out on weekends, she shows up and sits with me and my group. I really need some space. I’m single. I want to meet people when I’m out, and I can’t with her there. When I try to talk to her about it, she gets upset and thinks I don’t “ever” want her around. Please help. — Needing Space In New Jersey Dear Needing Space: It’s time for an adult conversation with Mama. Explain that you enjoy her company but need some time by yourself — whether it’s at home or with your friends. If you don’t want her beside you all the time when you’re home, agree on a place you can retreat to for some solitude — like your bedroom.

When you’re going out with friends, be clear that you want some time with them without her being present because it inhibits you. This does not mean she’s not ever welcome, but maybe half the time. Encourage her to spend more time with her own friends. If she doesn’t have any, help her to find some. Your problem may be that your mother is simply lonely and starved for company.