Young Mother Careening Through Stressful Life

Dear Abby: My stepdaughter, “Crystal,” has a toxic relationship with her mother. Both have battled alcoholism. The mother did some damage that has ended the possibility of Crystal regaining custody of her 6-yearold son. My husband and I hired a lawyer to help her, and we have brought her to our home twice. The last time was right out of the hospital after she nearly killed herself from alcohol poisoning.

Crystal is now trying to mend her relationship with her mother, and we have become second fiddle. What used to be daily phone conversations happens now only when I call. When we try to visit, they make excuses, and they have visited us only twice in the last six months. Her latest plan is to stay overnight with us and spend the following day with her mom.

We have swallowed our pride so we can see our 6-month-old granddaughter, but our feelings are hurt. Should we talk to her? — Wounded In Michigan

Dear Wounded: Your troubled stepdaughter is trying to mend fences with her mom. Try not to take personally that she has tunnel vision right now. I do not think you should address this with her at this time. Let more time elapse, and if her distancing continues, talk about it then.

Dear Abby: My husband and I live in southern Florida. When our children, grandchildren and their spouses come to visit, they only eat certain foods and need “healthy” this and that. We’re being used as a hotel and restaurant. I want to see them, but it is exhausting. — Rolling Back The Welcome Mat

Dear Rolling: Roll back that welcome mat. Talk to your visiting family. They may not realize the extent to which they have been imposing on you. Tell them that if they have special dietary requirements, they should buy their own foods, and you will make room for it in the refrigerator. If their visits are becoming too taxing, provide a list of affordable hotels in the area they might consider.

Dear Abby: I am a 91-yearold, 4-foot-8 woman who still drives and goes alone to shop and conduct business. I am frequently approached by strangers who want to “help” me. This frightens me because I can’t defend myself. While someone holding a door open for me is appreciated, I have no way to identify a purse snatcher who may intend to knock me down. How can I communicate that I’m capable of caring for myself without offending the person? — Great-Grandmother In The Midwest

Dear Great-Grandmother: You are not the only senior who has expressed these feelings. Look the person in the eye and say firmly, “I know you mean well and thank you, but no thank you. I prefer to do this myself.”