Ailing father insists on getting behind the wheel

Dear Abby: My father, who is 84, just had a mild stroke and still wants to drive. My sister says we should just let him, but I don’t think he’s capable of driving safely anymore. She says we can’t legally stop him from driving.

Dad has occasional dizzy spells and double vision, which started the day he had a stroke several weeks ago. He has also lost a lot of weight and has been told he needs to eat a heart-healthy diet and eat more. Dad has diabetes and high cholesterol. He has had problems with his memory lately, too, and not just age-related. He can’t remember details from doctors’ appointments, forgets to take his blood pressure and can’t remember his physical therapy exercises.

I think we should be taking care of Dad now and driving him where he needs to go. I do not want him endangering himself or others if he drives. — Cautious In California

Dear Cautious: It’s time for a serious family discussion about how to handle this. Your father needs a lot more help than a chauffeur service. He needs someone to accompany him to doctors’ appointments, and someone to supervise his medications. He should not be behind the wheel of a car, and I’m not even sure he should be living alone. His doctor should be contacted about informing the DMV about your father’s health status. He may also need assisted living if it’s financially feasible.

Dear Abby: I am 40 years old, and I have been eating a plant-based diet since high school. I’m in great shape, and my doctor is very pleased with my health. For more than two decades, friends and family have worn me down to where I am running short on gracious responses when it comes to them challenging what I put on my plate. People feel the need to mention at work or a party that I’m vegan (I don’t know why), and the room immediately is focused on me. Then someone always asks how I get my protein.

I usually try to keep the mood light, so I answer them. But I have grown tired of being questioned because more often than not, it doesn’t stop. They want me to go into detail about why I eat what I eat (or don’t eat). They tell me how they couldn’t be healthy or couldn’t give up cheese. I get stuck in the middle of a monologue that feels a lot like I’m being bullied and judged.

I don’t want to feel pushed around, but I also want to keep it light. How can I tell them I don’t want to discuss my eating habits without sounding rude? —

Proud Vegan In Oregon Dear Vegan:

Sometimes it ain’t what you say, but how you say it. If you can muster a smile when you reply, “I came here to have a good time, not discuss my diet. Let’s change the subject,” it might end the discussion. Follow it up with, “What’s everybody watching on Netflix?”