LATE LAUGHS

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Last night [Nov. 29] the senate voted to pass the Respect for Marriage Act, which would enshrine marriage equality in federal law. This is an incredible moment. I feel so proud to live in a country where anyone, regardless of their sexuality, can disagree for decades about the right way to load a dishwasher.

LG’s stretchable, smooshable screen promises a future of shatter-proof gadgets. In response to the shatter-proof claim, the nation’s toddlers said, “Hold my juice box.”

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Last year, several Oscar categories were cut from the live telecast and everyone was outraged. So, the Academy just announced that, this year, all 23 Oscar categories will be presented live. That should be fun — all the length of a Marvel movie with none of the excitement.

Tonight [Nov. 30] was the 90th annual Christmas tree lighting here at Rockefeller Center. The crowd spent hours waiting in the freezing cold, the pouring rain and 40-mile-per-hour winds. But at the end of the day, at least they had a beautiful view of the umbrella in front of them.

Following a massive spike in sales, “The Phantom of the Opera” has extended its final Broadway run by eight weeks. Yeah, they announced they were closing, then got record sales. Now Sears is like, “We are also closing.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

As a result of that little dinner party with Donald Trump last week, they say they’re beefing up security at Mar-a-Lago. They said they will now do increased vetting on guests, and by increased vetting they mean they’ll start vetting guests.

This was the highlight of my football-watching weekend, maybe even year: there’s a player on the Alabama Crimson Tide named Kool-Aid McKinstry. ... From now on, whenever I get depressed, I’m going to remind myself that there’s a real person named Kool-Aid living amongst us. I have no doubt that when I do, it will bring a smile to my face every time.

President Biden spent his Thanksgiving with his family in Nantucket. The Bidens released their dinner menu ... they had four kinds of dessert. They had apple, pumpkin and coconut cream pie with chocolate ice cream. Should we be concerned that our 80-year-old president is eating enough sugar to kill Willy Wonka?

Late Night With Seth Meyers

Dr. Anthony Fauci said yesterday [Nov. 22] that his final message from the White House podium is for Americans to get an updated coronavirus booster to protect themselves and their family. He added, “And do it now because, after Thanksgiving, you may not want to protect them anymore.”

According to a new survey, 35% of Americans believe that the person with the window seat on an airplane should have exclusive power over the window shade. OK, but whenever they open it, the person on the aisle should still get to yell, “Still just clouds?!”

A museum in Texas recently broke a Guinness World Record by printing the world’s largest book, which is seven feet tall and 11 feet wide. It also set a record by being the first book of 2022 that isn’t about Trump.

The Late Late Show With James Corden

Apparently, Twitter CEO Elon Musk is now at war with Apple, and it’s playing out in a series of tweets. Yesterday, Elon Musk posted, “Apple has threatened to withhold Twitter from its App Store, but won’t tell us why.” Musk says Apple is threatening to remove the Twitter app from the App Store, which is terrible news for the six people who still work at Twitter.