Grandparents make little effort to see grandkids

Dear Abby: I’m 33 with a husband and two kids, ages 4 and 6. I have a close bond with my parents. We live about 80 miles apart. It seems like we are always the ones visiting, and I have to beg them to come for one visit a year. My house is small, but we offer our bedroom for their stay. Meanwhile, because my brother lives with my parents, I sleep on an air mattress when I’m there.

I bend myself into a pretzel to make it work, but there are always excuses why they won’t visit. Mom tells me she misses the kids, but expects me to pack and head that way. It’s frustrating. Sometimes our budget is tight, I don’t have the luxury of spending an extra $70 in gas. My financial situation is not her burden, so I never mention it. I brought up once in the past that she rarely visits, and she really does believe that she visits at least twice a year. When I corrected her, she blew up.

Sometimes this hurts like a rejection, and other times I tell myself to grow up. So here I am — in the middle, with grandkids who love their grandparents, and vice versa. If I’m not the mom-taxi, how will they see each other? — Mom-Taxi In Tennessee

Dear Mom-Taxi: They won’t. And when your mother asks why you have stopped coming, point out that fuel is costly and your budget is very tight. Suggest that if she wants her grandkids to remember her when she and your dad are gone, they need to make more of an effort to visit you more than once a year. If their hesitancy is because your house isn’t comfortable, suggest they stay at a hotel.

P.S. If your mother gets lonely between visits, she can always video chat.

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married over 40 years. As he’s grown older, he has become the stereotypical “grumpy old man.” Although he can be thoughtful, like giving me flowers for my birthday, he’s increasingly moody, impatient and angry. He often rants about politics and won’t stop trying to impose his views on me. I agree with some of his opinions, but he gets upset if I disagree.

Because I don’t want an argument, I don’t respond or leave the room, which also upsets him. Sometimes he apologizes because he knows it upsets me, but afterwards, resumes. I love him and do a lot of things for him, but living with him can be a downer. Can you suggest strategies for coping with my “grumpy old man”? — Enduring It In New Hampshire

Dear Enduring It: Schedule a medical exam for yourself and your grumpy old man. Behavioral changes in an older person should not be ignored because they could be a symptom of illness. Once you know what you are dealing with, take your cues from the doctor or spend less time one-on-one with your husband and tell him why.