Revealing of newborn’s name triggers emotional reaction

Dear Abby: I recently gave birth to our second child, a girl. Afterward, my husband called his mother. She lives in a different state hours away and visits only once a year. When he told her the happy news and our little girl’s name, which we had kept a secret, she became very upset. It seems the name we had chosen, unbeknownst to us, was that of her husband’s mistress from years ago.

For days afterward, she would call my husband crying and pleading with him to change our baby’s name, telling him he should never have kept it a secret. She told him she would never speak that name. A week later, we received a generous gift of baby clothes in the mail from her. At this point, she hasn’t checked in with me, the one who gave birth. She refuses to acknowledge our baby’s name and will refer to her only as “little one.”

I don’t know how to thank her for her generous gift, as normally I would just call her. But it’s clear she doesn’t want to hear from me. — Wrong Name In Pennsylvania

Dear Wrong Name: It was unfortunate that the name you both chose for your daughter was the same as the woman your father-in-law cheated with. If your motherin-law wants to refer to her granddaughter as “little one,” accept it. It seems very loving, actually. And when you write her a thank-you note for the gift, sign it, “With love from (your name) and “Little One,” which is a sweet nickname.

Dear Abby: I am a happily married gay man in my 50s. About a year ago, I was contacted on Facebook by a man in another state, and we have developed what I consider a casual friendship. My new friend has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair. He lives with family and requires total care for his mobility and selfcare. He has normal cognition, from what I can tell.

I can only imagine how difficult it would be to develop friendships and relationships with a severe disability. I chat here and there with him nearly every day, but I know I’m a much bigger part of his life than he is of mine. He refers to me as his best friend and says he needs his time with me. He doesn’t harass me and is always respectful. He is gay, but closeted, and he knows I’m married.

It is apparent that he is very lonely. I don’t want to lead him on, but I know this relationship is very unbalanced. Is it OK for me to keep casually texting, saying hello and asking about his day? I feel like I’m his only friend. — Uncertain In Tennessee

Dear Uncertain: It would be a kindness to continue texting, saying hello and asking this isolated individual about his day. But while you are at it, it would also be kind to encourage him to open his world and widen his friend circle by talking to people with similar interests online.