Wife holds veto power in couple’s major decisions

Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married for 37 years. We have a fairly good marriage, but when it comes to communication, there’s room for improvement. I would like to get a second dog. I’m home alone all day because I am on disability; I have few friends, and my social life consists of the time and attention I give “Rascal,” my standard schnauzer.

We can afford another dog; we have a big enough home, a fenced-in yard — all of the things necessary for dog ownership. If I mention the subject, my wife gets angry and dismisses the idea without any discussion.

We don’t discuss issues. If my wife gives her thumbsup, then it’s a go. If she gives a thumbs-down, it’s no-go. I don’t think there’s any reason why her refusal to get another dog should trump my desire to get one. Ideally, we should be able to sit down to converse over a meal and base the decision on what we mutually agree upon. No such scenario exists.

I would like another dog because having them brings me joy and company. I don’t ask for much. I don’t understand why this is an issue. — Lonely For More In Ohio Dear Lonely: Your problem is twofold. One is acquiring another dog. The other is the imbalance of power in your marriage. I agree that important decisions should be shared, but that’s not how it works with you two. She has taken on the “alpha dog” role.

Unless the two of you open lines of communication so you can be heard, nothing will change, and you will grow increasingly unhappy. If you can afford therapy, make an appointment to talk about this and any other issues you and your wife can’t agree on. You do not need her permission to get a second dog, if you are the person who will ensure it gets the care it needs.

Dear Abby: My brotherin-law is with this woman, “Jana,” who has three kids. They call him Dad. I’ve no idea where the real father is. Jana is controlling, bipolar and a drunk. She doesn’t cook or clean. His mother is sick, but he doesn’t visit her because of Jana. They will be married in a few months.

No one in our family likes Jana. We believe he doesn’t love her and that he’s just attached to the kids. We’ve tried warning him, but Jana is louder. I don’t think we should go to the wedding. Should attend to support him? I don’t want those kids to suffer if their parents are in a miserable marriage. — Objecting To It

Dear Objecting: If Jana is as bad as you say, the kids are already suffering. I agree that it may be ill-advised for your brother-in-law to marry someone with as much baggage as Jana, but he’s an adult and you can’t stop him.

You should definitely go to that wedding to show him you’re there for him on that day and always.