Mother sees trouble in son’s current living arrangement

Dear Abby:

My 44-yearold son is a long-haul driver. His girlfriend has two daughters (14 and 17), who are both high-functioning autistic. My son thinks they should have chores because they need to learn to live independently. This is the biggest argument they have.

He tries to limit their internet use to four hours per day, and says once they graduate, they will be on their own. They do nothing at the house. They don’t clean or pick up after themselves. My son tells his girlfriend that if they don’t learn now, they won’t know how when they move out.

His girlfriend tells him he is right, but she does nothing to teach her girls independence. She receives child support for the girls and works part time. She doesn’t help pay for things “because he makes good money.” But these girls are not his. They agreed when she moved in that she would pay half the expenses. —

Disgusted In Minnesota Dear Disgusted:

Your son’s girlfriend promised that she would pay half the expenses. She has reneged on her promise, and your son has allowed it. This woman is an irresponsible parent by fostering her daughters’ dependence. When the girls turn 18 nothing will change, and he should expect to support them until he finally has had enough of this arrangement. If you have shared your feelings with him and he has chosen to tolerate the status quo, then quit wasting your breath. It is his life and his choice.

Dear Abby: I’m a 40-yearold wife and mother, married for 23 years. I have never been unfaithful. I never even thought of another man until a few months ago. Then it happened. I have fallen in love with my boss, “Tony.” He is four years younger than my husband, and he’s married. When I first told him how I feel, he was shocked and not interested. Now he’s had time to think about it, and he’s starting to show interest.

I am afraid he will ask me out. Should I go out with him? Is it possible to love two men? I’m so crazy about Tony that it hurts. I think about him all the time and even dream about him. (I have been known to talk in my sleep.) When I’m making love to my husband, Tony’s on my mind. —

Miserably In Love In Missouri Dear Miserably In Love:

You are playing with fire. Recognize that if you follow through with starting an affair with your boss, it’s likely to end up hurting four people, including you. The odds are that your marriage will be history, and Tony could be in for a very expensive divorce.

Whether you continue for years as Tony’s side piece, or he decides that a dalliance with an employee is too dangerous, the person most likely to lose out, emotionally and financially, is you. If you are unable to regain your emotional balance, quit your job. Tony may give you a reference.