Divorced couple’s finances have changed since parting

Dear Abby: I divorced my husband of 12 years. We were together for 16. We had a 4-year-old when we separated. To avoid loss of a 401(k) or to have to pay him alimony, I didn’t ask him for child support. I knew he wasn’t able to afford it at the time. He has since gotten a good job but hasn’t offered to financially support his daughter. My new fiance has no respect for him because of this.

I have let it go to keep the peace so we can co-parent and my now-9-year-old daughter won’t have to see what is going on. This is becoming a problem on holidays because we’ve always celebrated with her together. She loves that we do this for her. However, my fiance doesn’t want to be a part of those special moments. He doesn’t think my daughter would mind, and he doesn’t want to risk losing his cool.

This has put a strain on our relationship. Is it wrong to want him to fake it so we can all get along? Or is he wrong to avoid these situations? — For Her Sake In Georgia

Dear For Her Sake: Because your ex-husband’s employment circumstances have improved since the divorce, have a calm, adult conversation with him. Many exes would not have been as understanding as you have been. Because he can now afford it, he should share in the cost of raising his daughter. If you reach an agreement, have an attorney draw up a document in writing. However, if he isn’t willing to step up, contact a family lawyer to discuss next steps.

Also, with your engagement, your personal circumstances have changed. Your fiance should not be compelled to interact with your ex if it makes him uncomfortable.

Dear Abby: My husband passed away a year ago from Alzheimer’s. Before he died, I invited my soon-to-be retired sister to come live with me. We had been close throughout our lives, and I thought it would be good for both of us.

I have casually dated several men since my husband’s death. I welcome the companionship and the affection I had been missing long before my husband passed. My reclusive sister has expressed that I shouldn’t do this and has said that she doesn’t want to live in a “whore house.” She also makes derogatory comments about any gentleman I have introduced her to.

At my age, I should be able to do what I wish in my own home. But because of how she reacts, I no longer have any friends over because all she does is denigrate all of them. I’m tired of walking on eggshells around her. Are there any options other than asking her to move? — Living As I Want In Washington

Dear Living: No, there aren’t. Your sister shouldn’t rule your social life. The sooner she finds another place to live, the healthier it will be for you both. Help her look now.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit www.DearAbby.com