Stepmother feels slighted by teen’s birthday episode Dear Abby: I have been in a domestic partnership for more than 30 years. I have

Dear Abby: I am a first-generation Mexican American who married into a Caucasian blended family. My husband, my stepdaughter, “Lisa,” and her mother and stepfather make up a beautiful unit. I have no children. Although my family initially ruffled at my interracial marriage, they got with the program and we invited Lisa to partake in a coming-of-age rite, the quinceanera. We were excited to update it so all sets of parents, grandparents and other family could be involved.

When Lisa was 14 — a year before the quinceanera, when planning should be ramped up, not down — my extended family went into radio silence. Despite our attempts to generate excitement, we were led to believe Lisa had gotten cold feet and was reconsidering the event.

We honored her wishes and planned to find other ways to make her feel special. Two weeks before her 15th birthday, Lisa sent me an invitation for her quinceanera! Words cannot express how heartbroken I feel. I was supposed to teach her about the cultural significance of what she was embarking on. I attended anyway, making sure to praise her and put on a good face. But, in addition to being devastated, I was deeply offended. Because no one bothered to check in, many features of the rite were handled improperly.

I’ve been holding my tongue for Lisa’s sake since I’m afraid this could cause a rift with her mother. What I don’t want is for Lisa to think my feelings have anything to do with something she may have done. For the sake of peace, is silence better? — Madre De La Quinceanera

Dear Madre: Your feelings of hurt and frustration are understandable. But Lisa chose to celebrate her birthday the way she and her mom wanted — and that was her privilege. Rather than give the girl an authentic quinceanera, it appears her mother and stepfather opted instead for “quinceanera-light.” Don’t fight over this. Move on. But do continue to share with Lisa your wisdom, your experience and your cultural heritage from now on. suggested couples counseling for the past 10 of them, but my partner has never followed through. I’m willing to give all my assets to her so I won’t worry about her future, but I don’t know how to leave without getting into a war, which will make me feel guilty. — Walking On Eggshells

Dear Walking: Since this domestic partnership is no longer working, I suggest you talk with a mental health professional about the guilt you feel. Do this before you decide to “give away the store.” Also, consult an attorney about what kind of settlement would be fair to you both before signing over any assets. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother,Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit www.DearAbby.com