Abuser tries to turn over a new leaf to save family

Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married for five years, with two children. I have been putting my hands on her in such a bad way that she’s saying we are no longer a family and she wants a divorce. I need my wife and children. It hurts to stay away.

I’m now going to church and praying and it is helping me. I will do everything I can to get my family back because I don’t want to lose them. What can I do? — Learning A Lesson In Nevada

Dear Learning: A first step would be for you to gain some insight about what triggers you to act out violently. Was physical abuse an example that was set by your parents? Does it happen because you have a substance abuse problem? A course in anger management could help you break this destructive pattern.

Look for a program near you. After that, if your wife sees you are making an effort, she may trust you enough to risk reuniting. A warning, however: Do not pressure her. This will have to be her decision.

Dear Abby: I’m friends with three people who argued. One of them no longer talks to the other two. I have remained friends with all three and I told them I want to remain neutral. I wasn’t around when the argument took place, and I don’t want to be involved. One friend says that because I’m friends with the other two, I’m condoning how they treated her.

I didn’t see the fight and

I’m not condoning anyone’s behavior. The one friend has now stopped being friends with me. I would like to be friends with everyone. Is this person right about me condoning the other two’s actions by remaining silent and continuing my friendship with them? — Staying Out Of It In Montana

Dear Staying Out: No, they are not. What they are doing is trying to manipulate you. Repeat what you told them, and tell them that if they can’t accept that you want to remain neutral, they will have lost another friend.

Dear Abby: I have a new job in a small office. I’m never comfortable meeting new people or learning a new job, so in order to appear friendly, I’d chime in to the office conversations. A couple of times, I have revealed too much of my life. Later, I found out the owner audio records the office. Everyone else knew it, but I was never informed. Now I’m embarrassed knowing that my information is on record. I have since learned to self-censor. Is it legal for employers to bug offices? — Big Mouth In California

Dear Big Mouth: This is a question you should ask an employment law attorney. In several states, it is illegal for an employer to record conversations without first informing all parties involved. You should have been informed at the time you were hired that this was company policy.