Inside baseball

Bah humbug, get off our lawn, etc.

The big argument seems to be this: The NFL knows how to make a television program, and it isn’t afraid to make big changes to bring in more fans: Two-point conversions, don’t touch the quarterback, challenge flags. If baseball wants to compete to become America’s Pastime once again, it needs to make big changes to its show, too.

Some of us feel otherwise. Why make changes to perfection? Or near-perfection.

Why would baseball want to be football? As George Carlin once pointed out, baseball is played in a field, not a gridiron. Field generals don’t throw bombs in baseball, as they do in football. In baseball, the point is to be safe at home. There’s a different feeling between the sports. Or should be.

Baseball is a pastoral sport. In both senses of the word. The point of baseball should be for fans to sit back and enjoy it. Even relax a bit. But instead, Major League Baseball has some changes in store for this season (which starts later this month). And the changes are meant to speed up the game, to make it “more exciting,” and to increase offense. Once again, we’re using football jargon — “offense” and “defense” instead of batting team and fielding team. Oy.

For starters, and only for starters, this year will feature a pitch timer — similar to a play clock in football or basketball. The timer will be set for 15 seconds if nobody is on base, and 20 seconds if there are runners.

The clock doesn’t just affect the pitcher. A batter must be in the batter’s box ready to hit with eight seconds on the clock, or else it’s an automatic strike. (Why eight seconds? Why not seven, or nine?)

Get this: Pitchers only get to step off the bag or attempt a pick-off twice per batter. One more throw to first is a balk!

You can imagine how that helps the runner. After two attempts his way, he’ll doubtless get a Rickey Henderson-type of lead. Maybe more.

MLB put out something the other day that said the pitch timer, when used in the minor leagues last year, reduced the length of games by 25 minutes. As if reducing the length of minor-league baseball games is a good thing.

Bases will be increased in size by a few inches. Which will make the difference between safe and out during steal attempts. Also, no more shifts in the outfield. No matter how many times a batter has pulled it to right, or left, the infielders will have to number two on each side of second base. (Some of us wondered in years past, when these shifts were on, why batters didn’t practice against it, and just bunt down the opposite line for an easy base hit, and eventually kill that defensive play call. Oops, more football jargon.)

Major League Baseball’s brass say games are running over three hours long, and they want more action on the field — or the same action in a more tightened time frame. And with the new rule putting a man on second to start extra innings, games going on deep into the night will be a thing for the history books.

But three hours is how long it takes to play a game of football, too.

You kids get off our lawn. Some of us old-timers like the slower pace of the thinking man’s sport. Better to explain to the kid sitting next to us why the catcher keeps looking to the dugout, and why the outfielder has crept closer to the line.

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks.

I don’t care if I never get back!

But apparently Major League Baseball does.

“There is one word in America that says it all, and that one word is, You Never Know.”

— former baseball player Joaquin Andujar