Father cuts off all contact with son over his lifestyle

Dear Abby: Our son “Victor” and his wife have told us that they are “polyamorous.” They have been married for nine years, and were together for five years before they married. They have agreed to this arrangement, and their partners know they are married. They love each other, own a home and plan to be together forever. They are “safe,” and no one is getting hurt.

Because of their lifestyle, my husband, “Del,” has not communicated with them in 16 months. He says if I die first, he’ll make sure they get nothing in his will. I have visited them alone (we live over 800 miles away) and plan to do so in the future. Our other son, “Mike,” tried to talk to his father about this, but Del still refuses to budge. When Mike said this means we will never be together as a family again, his father had no response.

I have told Del this breaks my heart. I’ve considered leaving him. However, if I leave, I’m doing the same thing he has done — refusing to have a relationship because I don’t like his behavior. My husband also refuses to go to family gatherings with his cousins or his brother because he has fundamental political differences with them. There are now only four family members he’s interested in seeing. I thought he would soften his attitude over time, but he hasn’t. — Heartbroken In The Midwest

Dear Heartbroken: Continue living your life as you always have. See your children and other relatives as often as you wish. By now it should be obvious that nothing will change your husband’s attitude. If he insists on isolating himself, you can’t stop him.

If Del becomes vindictive or punitive to you, consult a legal adviser about whether you want to stay in a marriage like this. If you choose to leave, you will be able to decide independently how your assets should be distributed in the event of your death.

Dear Abby: My wedding ring from my first marriage was perfect. My ex asked my dad for my late mother’s ring to propose to me. He then took Mom’s ring to the jeweler and had the stone put in a modern, beautiful setting.

We are divorced now because my husband transitioned to female. We’re amicable, all things considered. I can’t imagine a lovelier ring if I remarry someday. Can I use the same ring because of its sentimental value? I might want a fresh start and a different ring, but I can’t imagine anything better. — Thinking About The Ring

Dear Thinking: This is something you will need to discuss with the next person who expresses an interest in marrying you. Many men would not like the idea of you wearing the ring from your first marriage. A compromise might be to reuse the stone and have it placed in a new setting. (It would sure save someone a lot of money.)