Mothers make own parents pay to see the grandkids

Dear Abby: I am the mother and stepmother of eight children. I love them all very much. My two oldest stepdaughters are in their 20s with kids. Unless their dad and I constantly give them money, we don’t get to see our grandkids. If we refuse, we don’t see them for months.

These two stepdaughters are rude to their dad. Unless it’s almost a holiday or they need money, they never call or text. If we disagree with them, they don’t bring the girls around for months or answer calls or texts.

We have given them a lot of money, and gifts. When we asked what the girls want for their birthdays, one stepdaughter said a dollhouse that cost almost $200. When we said that seems more like a Christmas gift, she got upset.

I have told my husband that at this point I’m done and will no longer keep paying to see my grandkids, but he insists he’s not giving up. I am not saying to “give up,” but it breaks my heart to keep going through this. — Mrs. ATM

Dear Mrs. ATM: Your stepdaughters aren’t bothering to even be subtle about their emotional blackmail, which borders on elder abuse. The only way to break the cycle is to refuse to allow it. However, if your husband can’t be convinced, there is nothing you can do to stop what’s happening. Most clear-thinking individuals stop doing things that don’t work once they wake up to that fact. But if your husband’s emotions dictate his actions, nothing will change.

Dear Abby: For the last seven years, I have lived in an apartment with a strange next-door neighbor. I don’t speak to her because, years ago, she got angry with me when someone left packages for her with me. The bags arrived open, and I assumed keeping them for her was OK. She was furious and accused me of looking inside. She added that “people don’t usually give you all the things they were holding for you.”

I was shocked and asked her how I could mend things, thinking I had overstepped being neighborly. Since then, she posts notes on her front door saying, “Do not leave my packages with my neighbor!”

Should I do something else to apologize? Send her a gift card? I didn’t take anything of hers, but she must think I did. I’m afraid to speak to her, but I would like her to know that I’m not a bad person. — Gentle Southern Woman

Dear Gentle: You did nothing you need to apologize for, so stop trying to win your neighbor’s approval. She should be avoided as much as possible. She may have a paranoia problem that existed before she met you. Talk to the building manager about what happened. If you do, it may reassure you to know that you’re not the only renter who has had problems with her. Sadly, this is a case of “no good deed goes unpunished.”