Focus on love; it will arrive

Nonduality shows we’re all one

How do we “love our neighbors as ourselves?” As long as I can remember, I knew with all my being that if we lived that way, all “problems” would be solved.

But I also didn’t know how to do that. I didn’t feel love for myself or many others. I didn’t grow up in a household with a lot of love. We said we loved each other occasionally, but I didn’t experience it, feel it emotionally or physically. It was an idea, a mental concept.

I tried to treat others well. I wanted to love them. But I judged myself, judged others a lot. That was one of the ways that I kept love at bay.

I grew up in a Methodist household, as they say. We weren’t religious. I’m not religious now. Went to church and Sunday school fairly regularly. There was talk of love in church. But I didn’t feel it.

I admired Jesus and still do as a beautiful example of being fully human. I wanted to be more like him.

There were plenty of concepts in books, sermons. I had a great deal of personal and professional development over the years. But none of that helped me “get there.”

Everything changed, however, as I studied the great wisdom traditions and their teachings about the nature of reality, often called nonduality.

The teachings reveal that we are all One Shared Being.

Scientists have also verified this and tell us that we are all intimately entangled.

Our essential nature is love, peace, happiness, meaning and freedom.

I realized that all of my seeking and self-improvement, with the idea of “getting there” someday, was actually taking me further away. I discovered too that I had the idea that another person would “spark” love and then I’d feel it.

(That’s actually not very logical; if a person sparked feelings of love, then they would have to already exist within me.)

I had looked in the wrong places: the future as I attempted to become a better person, and for something outside of me to activate loving feelings.

The teachings showed me that I’m there now; I am the loving being I always wanted to be.

We are all actually “there” now. It’s just hidden, covered up, partly due to the seeking. Looking in the wrong place.

Once I realized that I already had what I had been looking for, all I needed to do was not listen to judgments, not get distracted by emotional reactions, but keep my attention focused on love and after a few minutes — or at times hours or days — I would feel love for that person.

Loving someone doesn’t mean we condone unacceptable behavior. We can love someone we don’t like or who has done terrible things.

Over time, I have more naturally felt love for everyone, strangers, family, longterm friends and clients, as well as nature.

That’s what Jesus and other great beings of wisdom have shown us. We are invited to do the same.

O’Neal has coached leaders, entrepreneurs and lawyers throughout the world for more than 35 years after practicing law for 12, is a Certified Integral Master Coach, and holds a Juris Doctor from the University of Arkansas. Email her at peggy@peggy-oneal.com.