Unexpected turbulence

Flight 1282 shows absurdity can become reality

Idon’t remember the gentleman’s name, so I’m going to lack specific citation here, but I do recall a comic’s routine a few years ago where he cast doubt on the assertation that flying was safer than driving.

“If I’m driving down the interstate and the door falls off, I just pull over,” he said.

Now, while you probably had to be there (delivery is a significant part of good comedy), the joke worked because of the absurdity involved. I mean, how ridiculous an idea is it that a door would just fall off a car or a plane? Right? Right?

OK, so, maybe not so much. At this point, I think we all want to make sure our car doors are securely closed the next time we venture out of the driveway. Apparently, you never know.

It seems the passengers on Alaska Airlines Flight 1282 with service from Portland, Ore., to Ontario, Calif., last Friday likely have thoughts about that. Specifically, like the proverbial bear attack in the parking lot of your office, they can say the odds are low, but never zero.

Seems the plane, a Boeing 737 MAX 9 for those of you keeping score or trying to plan future air travel, had just taken off and was at about 16,000 feet when a door flew off. OK, not technically a door, since the plane had been “reconfigured” and what had been an exit was bolted shut. Or, so all involved thought.

Since no one was injured or worse, it’s safe to take this event somewhat less than seriously. Hopefully that’s not the spirit in which whoever was responsible for bolting on the door took his job, but evidence would seem to be to the contrary.

Lots of odd events out of this one: when what is being referred to as the plane “plug” blew off, a teenager had his shirt ripped off and it blew out of the cabin. If that had been me, what had happened to my shirt would have been the least of my clothing condition worries.

Also, a cellphone was sucked out of the cabin and found later. Since the screen wasn’t locked, whoever found it could see it was still working. That is amazing and also means some advertising copywriter is out of work because that ad just wrote itself.

The door/plug was found by a Portland school teacher in his backyard. Which, in addition to being kind of freaky, likely made for a pretty sweet show and tell. “OK kids, this is why you need to keep your seatbelts on at all times and don’t roam around the cabin.”

When the plug came loose and the plane began to depressurize (as will happen when a big ol’ hole opens up in the side of your aircraft), the cockpit cabin door flew open. Apparently neither the pilot nor co-pilot knew that was actually a feature of the plane. You’d have thought someone might have covered that with them. Of course you’d have thought someone would have made sure those bolts were tight, but …

Now I make light of this because, well, I can, and also because on my scale of fears which runs from zero to Shark, being on a plane when the door falls off in flight is, strangely, fairly highly ranked. I mean, that’s a pretty specific incident, but I have always been terrified that I am going to be on a plane where the door decided to head west while the craft was heading east. Or vice versa.

OK, I know. That’s irrational. Or, at least we all would have thought a few days ago. But that’s the thing about irrational fears. Seems, by definition, they don’t have to make sense.

Being hit by a falling meteor, having the cable on an elevator you are riding in snap or the aforementioned bear attack in the parking lot, they’re all things that are exceptionally unlikely to happen but, well … might.

And somewhere, someone is afraid of every one of them. And clowns. Particularly clowns.

However, I will say, thanks to Alaska Air Flight 1282, I’m feeling a little less concerned today. I mean, you’ve got to look at this thing as a matter of statistical probability. If the odds of a door falling off a plane in flight are miniscule to say the least, then the fact that it’s happened means that, for years to come, I’m in the clear.

What are the odds, huh?