Person wonders whether to ‘pay it forward’

Dear Amy: My income is derived entirely from Social Security and a small pension. Because I have always managed to avoid getting into debt, my life in retirement is quite rich.

Recently, upon returning to a grocery store to pick up two items that I had forgotten to purchase, a young lady in line behind me wanted to pay my tab to get a “blessing.”

I refused this offer as being unnecessary. Was it wrong to reject the offer? Should I have tried to pay it forward? Dear Senior: You seem to feel insulted by this generosity because you don’t actually need the money. But this was not about the money — it was about spreading a small kindness, which might inspire yet more kindness. You went another way.

The person in back of you in line at the grocery store might have left her house that day, feeling fortunate and wanting to proactively spread her good fortune. Or perhaps she saw an older person in line and spontaneously wanted to honor your seniority, the way she hoped someone else might honor her own parent or grandparent.

Every once in a while, I’ll be in the drive thru line at Dunkin’, and when I get to the window, I’ll learn that the person ahead of me has picked up the tab for my coffee. Even though I can afford to buy my own coffee, I’m always tickled when this happens — and it sets up a little chain of good fortune, because it reminds me that even small kindnesses are powerful.

You can respond by forgiving yourself for your reaction, and by doing a good deed now for someone else. You’ll feel better when you do.

Dear Amy: I just read this line in your column, responding to a person who was judging someone else very harshly: “You should feel compassion toward someone who doesn’t have your expansive capacity.”

Amy, this brought tears to my eyes. This applies to so many different situations. Thank you. Dear Fan: Thank you very much.

I want you (and other readers) to know that over the many years of writing this column, my own compassion toward people with problems — large or petty — has expanded to fit the space.