Making choices: Your happiness is a choice that only you can control

It's often said we're living in turbulent times, and that America is becoming more and more polarized. In my opinion, this has led to unnecessary anxiety within our society.

How often today do we hunker down on our “side” of issues, and fail to realize that the people on the other “side” probably have more in common with us than not?

I remember once after a battle in Vietnam, we were searching the enemy dead for enemy documents. I was going through this one North Vietnamese army soldier's pockets when I found pictures and letters from back home, just like the ones I myself carried. At that moment he became — it's hard to explain — not an “other” but a sort of brother; we were trying to kill each other, and had he been successful, those lifeless eyes would've been mine.

Even though I should know better, I've persisted in being angry at other people when their actions didn't meet my expectations. Such anger is unfulfilling. It robs me of contentment and concentrates my energy on negative thoughts and actions. Today's polarization in our beloved country all too often infects my mood. In reality, I can't control what goes on in the media, the White House or the Kremlin. What I can control are my day-to-day choices.

Many people manage to do this very well, and they have lived much harder lives, lives that I couldn't imagine surviving, much less thriving. They have one thing in common: They don't blame others for their choices. They don't blame whites, blacks, Latinos, gays, religious fundamentalists, the mainstream media or Fox. They concern themselves more with making good decisions, and less with the decisions of others.

Others, though, might feel their lives are given meaning when they can jeer at their detractors. They become more and more bitter and lead increasingly angrier lives. The reality is, however, that those Americans on the other side of the political, racial, religious divide are more our sisters and brothers than sinister others.

After all, convincing the “other side” that the president is the best man for these times, or conversely that he's demeaning to the Oval Office, is not only unlikely, but ultimately unfulfilling. It's my opinion that if we find ourselves being negative, angry and bitter, we might want to stop trying to change the minds of others, and instead try changing our own behavior.

I believe it's past time we stopped thinking of our fellow Americans as “others” and started thinking of them as our sisters and brothers. Maloey E. Jones of Clermont served almost 13 months in Vietnam as a U.S. Marine.