Mom feels pressured to give out inheritance

Dear Amy: Recently, my elderly mother sold her home. She and my disabled younger sister moved in with me and my family to care for them.

My older brother, “Randy,” has been calling and asking for “his inheritance,” citing mounting bills.

My mom has health problems, including progressing dementia. Medicare won’t cover everything she may need, but she insists that she pay for things like room additions to our house that we’ve made to accommodate her.

Now Randy wants “his inheritance,” and Mom insists that if he gets his, all of her children should have theirs, as well. The way I see it, my mother needs this money for any of her future medical needs, and that the money is HERS until she passes.

Am I wrong to want her to keep her money? — Trying to Do the Right Thing Dear Trying: In this circumstance, if the bulk of your mother’s savings comes from the sale of her home, I don’t know how you can accurately determine any individual’s inheritance when her expenses are changing and hopefully she will be with you for a long (but indeterminate) time. I agree with you that it is risky for her to distribute her money now.

If there is a way for her to safely distribute a modest portion of her savings to each of you (without putting too much stress on the total), that might mollify all parties.

You also might wish to be compensated for your in-home care (and allow for your disabled sister’s expenses); you should consult with a professional estate planner to determine what is legal, fair, allowable and taxable.

Dear Amy: I’m getting such a kick out of the various “corrections” to your misuse of the equestrian idiom, which you originally quoted as “jumping at the bit.”

Some say “chomping,” some say “champing.” But hey — you have a lot of word nerds (like me) who read your column. Dear Word Nerds: Yes, I make mistakes (“jumping at the bit” was definitely a mistake). But when hundreds of corrections came in — followed by hundreds of corrections to THAT correction — I cheered. It tells me that people are paying close attention.