Facebook trials test definition of ‘friends’

Dear Readers: I’ve briefly stepped away from my column to work on a new writing project. This week, I’m rerunning topical Q&A from 10 years ago. Today’s topic first surfaced during the dawn of Facebook: Social media friendships.

Dear Amy: What is the best course of action to take when someone who tormented you in high school and college asks to be your friend on Facebook? Should I assume this person has changed for the better and add him or her as a “friend”? Or do I click “Ignore”? Dear Friend?: People use Facebook in a variety of ways. For some users, Facebook is just another venue to broadcast their latest activities. They accumulate “friends,” are not discerning about their contacts and are simply into quantity. Others take Facebook as an opportunity to make, renew or keep up with actual friends.

If you don’t want to accept this person into your virtual life, then by all means don’t. Don’t overthink this. (Dec., 2009)

Dear Amy: I’m in my mid-20s, and I just finished my master’s degree. I maintain contact with several colleagues and professionals on a popular social-networking website. I have a wonderful group of girlfriends I met in college, and we also stay in contact on this same site.

The problem is that some of my friends continue to post photos that were taken many years ago in college. None of the photos are downright scandalous, but I would be embarrassed if a potential employer saw a picture of me posing with giant beers in a crowded bar.

My friends seem to think this is harmless and funny, but I work in a competitive field and want to be taken seriously. Is my concern legitimate? Dear Wondering: Your letter should be laminated and posted on dorm room white boards as a cautionary tale. You should say to your friends, “Could you all do me a favor and only post old photos of me that my Grammy wouldn’t mind seeing?”

According to HR professionals, employers increasingly are checking social-networking sites to make sure their prospective hires are respectable and careful people. (Jan, 2009)