HOA president can’t calm down callers

Dear Amy: I’m president of my Home Owners Association, and generally enjoy the job in our 282-unit community.

I’ve noticed that ever since our area went on shelter-in-place, I’ve received several calls where the homeowner was extremely agitated. Often, they begin the conversation at high volume and also halfway through their sentence.

I’m guessing that this agitation is coronavirus-related and has little to do with what’s happening in our community.

I’m an engineer with poor people skills.

Any suggestions on how I can calm down these callers? — HOA Helper

Dear Helper: I appreciate your question, and what you are trying to do for your community members.

During “normal” times, your engineering skills are probably an ideal fit when fulfilling your important function. Unfortunately, these times call upon all of us to practice new skills.

You would be wise to always keep in mind how anxious many people are right now, even if you are not.

Anxiety has a way of scrambling the thought process, as well as magnifying problems until they can seem overwhelming.

Take a breath before you take a call. Listen without interrupting. Do not tell someone to “calm down” (this sort of directive leads some people to believe that they are not being heard). Your “listening posture” should be calm, affirmative and supportive: “I can tell you’re upset. I’m sorry this is happening. I know it’s hard.”

When appropriate, you could ask, “How can I try to help you?”

Be honest in your responses. If a problem is well beyond your function as HOA president, you should say so. If appropriate, you could also ask people to follow up with an email, in order to have a written record of their concern.

I wonder if there is another person in your community who might serve as a temporary “community ambassador.” You and this person could work as a team, to keep residents informed regarding latest updates.

You do not want to become the repository of community gossip or discord, but if it helps others for you to be something of a sounding board, you would be serving an important function. Think of this as mastering a different kind of engineering.