Risky roommate dynamic needs to change

Dear Amy: My roommate “Bart” and I are mostly on great terms, but a few times a month, he and I go through a frustrating routine.

It usually starts with me expressing my opinion on something, during the course of a normal conversation.

If he disagrees, he gets angry and curses at me. I ask him if we can talk about it, and he storms off, doesn’t talk to me for days, and when he’s ready, he’ll start talking to me again.

I’m enabling his behavior by dropping the subject and letting him think it’s OK if he mistreats me in this way.

I think I do this because I want the thing to blow over and am so done with his tantrums, but I need to take action because it keeps happening.

Recently, he came into my room just to chit chat. Then suddenly he gave his unsolicited opinion on my close relationship with a friend.

His attitude was critical and prying. He said he thought it was “fishy” that I hung out with my friend in my room with the door closed.

I felt this was rude and odd.

I calmly told him it wasn’t his place to judge, and that I did not ask his opinion of our relationship.

He walked out of my room cursing me, telling me to shut up, and to never ask him for anything ever again. He then left a book I had given him in front of my door.

I was shocked at how weirdly south that went, but also not surprised.

After these confrontations I’m left feeling awkward and ill-at-ease in our home and do my best to avoid him.

What do you think I should do about this? — Really Done

Dear Done: You have the right to live in your own home without the pressure of tiptoeing around your roommate for several days after he lashes out.

You should take a long and careful look at whether you want to continue to cohabit with him. You don’t seem to feel unsafe, but you will have to gauge whether his volatility and behavior presents a safety issue for you.

You should also talk to him about his behavior — during a calm moment. Tell him, “I really like living with you. I value our friendship. But your anger seems to come out of nowhere. Maybe I should have said something earlier, but I’m saying it now. I truly do not know what’s going on with you, but I don’t like being confronted, yelled at, and cursed at.”

There are a multitude of possible explanations for why your roommate acts this way. He might offer up some reasons or excuses for his behavior. He might act out, curse you out, and ghost you. But you will have stated your case.