A grandmother’s thanks was in the ‘male’

Dear Amy: Something is bothering me that I just can’t shake, and I’d welcome your opinion.

My husband and I have three young grandchildren who live across the country. We use FaceTime to stay in touch.

Yesterday while chatting with the kids (all younger than 10), I mentioned that “the mailman” delivered their Christmas thank-you notes.

Off-camera, I heard my daughter-in-law say: “mailPERSON.”

I was a little hurt and a lot irritated that she would correct me like that.

My intention was simply to thank the kids for their notes, not to become an example of how ignorant grandparents can be. Am I overreacting?

— Just Wondering

Dear Wondering: I have to laugh (a little bit) because for many readers, the headline here will be: “Three Children Reported to Have Written ThankYou Notes. Story at 11!”

So — this mom has done a good thing in teaching your grandchildren to express their appreciation in this way.

And — it seems that maybe she can’t stop teaching, although her correction of mailman to “mailPERSON” prompted another chuckle (from me), because I do believe that the correct and gender-free description of the person doing this job is either “postal worker” or “letter carrier.”

And you can understand why this is: MailPERSON, when spoken, sounds like “Male person,” which sort of defeats the purpose.

I can understand why this failed correction rankled you, but I hope you will shake it off as the actions of an engaged mom who was over-parenting in the moment.

Dear Amy: I’m all for asking what “sparks joy” and what doesn’t as I go through periodic pandemic-inspired cleaning-out of closets, files, etc., throughout our house.

It’s gone well — for the most part. But what am I to do with things I no longer want that are not worth donating, but I can’t bear to just toss in the trash?

For instance: An old, well-loved but fallingapart stuffed panda bear from the 1950s that originally belonged to my aunt.

I have a number of things that would fall into this category.

Yes, I can thank it, hug it, take a picture — but then, yikes — tossing it just seems more than I can manage. Help!

— Stuck with the Memories

Dear Stuck: Researching your question, I happened upon a discussion thread on Reddit (reddit.com) detailing various “toy hospitals” that repair wellloved but “injured” stuffed animals.

I read tales of school nurses, veterinarians and overall good and kind souls who will restuff and stitch up a stuffed toy in special “clinics.”

Having this panda repaired would definitely qualify as an “heroic measure,” but doing so and then bestowing this animal on a child (who might continue to love it well) would qualify as a lovely and satisfying mitzvah that might then give you the strength to put the other odds and ends in a cardboard box at the end of your driveway with a sign marked “FREE” on it.

I’m sure readers will weigh in with suggestions.

Dear Amy: I’m a retired health care professional. Currently I work part time caring for the elderly in their homes and have been for about five years.

I’m responding to the recent question from “Worried,” regarding the home care workers they had hired to care for their 100-year-old father, who were then hitting the family up for loans and financial gifts.

It is well-worth the money to perform an intensive background check on any person who one may hire.

If a caregiver starts asking clients about loans, etc., that person should be dismissed.

Acquiring a caregiver via word of mouth is, in my humble opinion, still the best. Agencies do not seem to screen well.

— Mary Ann, RRT/Nurse Practitioner

Dear Mary Ann: As our population continues to age, and our health care and family systems are stretched to the max, homecare workers are an extremely important (and often underpaid) sector of our economy.

Thank you for doing this work, and for your useful advice.