Example of why the pointed throat-clearing was invented

Dear Miss Manners: In our neighborhood, my wife and I are one of a group of friends and couples who often get together for friendly gatherings and such. Many of us have kids of the same age, so it isn’t unusual for us to get together on the weekend for birthdays or just for impromptu happy hour drinks in a driveway while our children play.

Lately, though, one of my neighbors has been putting me off. Often, when people are conversing in groups, they will form a circle or semicircle. More than once, when this particular neighbor is standing next to me in one of these semicircles, he will step out in front of me, effectively blocking me from the group. I am then in the position of having to step over to the side of him so that people can see me and I can engage in conversation again.

This is not a guy whom I find generally boorish, but this behavior seems incredibly rude and disrespectful to me. I think he is probably doing this subconsciously, but I feel like I need to bring it to his attention the next time it happens and make it known that I don’t appreciate him blocking me out.

How do you suggest I approach this situation without causing a scene?

Gentle reader: “Bart,” said teasingly, “are you acting as my bodyguard tonight? I assure you that I can defend myself if our argument about farmers markets reaches a fever pitch.” Presumably

Bart will then realize his awkward position, and move. If he does not, Miss Manners permits you to repeat the admonishment with ever so slight increments of annoyance.

Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I are at the age where we are going to more funerals than weddings. The last one we attended, I wore a knee-length black skirt, a black-and-white blouse and some kitten-heeled red shoes for a pop of color. My husband wore nice leather shoes, khakis and a tucked-in blue buttondown shirt. We were some of the nicest-dressed people in attendance. Many people were in capris, tennis shoes, jeans, flowered sandals, even a halter minidress.

My husband chastised me for the red shoes. Once and for all, what is proper funeral attire, since what we are doing is celebrating the life of the deceased?

It is endlessly confusing to Miss Manners that at what is the most formal and solemn of occasions, people consider it too fussy to dress up and too depressing to wear black. The only place it is still done is on screen — where elaborately chic hats, veils and suits are almost as ubiquitous at funerals as the pouring rain. She assures you that dark (black, navy or gray) formal clothes are proper. And that if your husband is going to chastise you for red shoes, he should have the decency not to wear blue and tan himself.

Gentle reader:

Iam a manager at my office, and two of my employees are about to leave the company. One is doing so for circumstances involving family and location,

Dear Miss Manners:

but the other is leaving because of their widely expressed dissatisfaction with the company.

I am at a loss as to whether, or how, to mark the departures and celebrate the employees who are leaving, and I want to do the right thing. It seems easy to have a small party for the one leaving on better terms, but for the other employee, given the circumstances, it seems false. To do nothing feels wrong, but so does celebrating one but not the other. How can I manage this and set a positive tone without hard feelings for our division?

If you think having to be polite at the going-away party for a voluntarily departing employee puts you in a false position, Miss Manners worries what will happen when you have to tell your valued assistant that the company cannot afford to give him a raise.

Congratulate yourself that the timing makes it possible to throw one party for both employees. And smile, remembering that one burden, at least, is leaving at the end of the day.

Gentle reader:

When a grown child who has moved out of their childhood home returns to visit, how much are they considered a “guest” and how much should they be expected to pitch in to the daily tasks of running a household?

Dear Miss Manners:

Gentle reader: Yes, you can tell your adult child to clean up that mess.