Leaving behind a legacy of your beliefs and values
Many of our loved ones die without leaving behind final words about what’s important in life.
That’s where ethical wills come in. Unlike a last will and testament, which is a legal document, an ethical will is a love letter to your family. In short, legal wills bequeath valuables, while ethical wills bequeath values.
“An ethical will reflects the voice of the heart,” said Barry K. Baines, medical director of Hospice of the Western Reserve in Ohio and author of “Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper” (De Capo).
Ethical wills are as diverse as the people who write them. It’s a way to tell your loved ones about your personal values, reflections, traditions, advice, memories and hopes for their future. It can also be a way to tell them about your own ups and downs in life. Perhaps it may tie up loose ends in relationships, or accept that not all loose ends can be resolved.
Ethical wills can take many forms: art pieces, a compilation of music, cookbooks with personal recipes, scrapbooks or memory boxes with personal notes or videos.
“There was a patient several years back who was nearing the end of his life and not going to be able to experience the life of his baby boy,” said Karen Hatfield, team leader for the hospice’s counseling services. “So he, with the help of family and (hospice) staff, purchased 18 pairs of jeans in all sizes. He wrote little notes to be read during milestones in his son’s life and put them in the pocket of the jeans.”
The ethical will can be something of a chronicle. “We had our volunteers
Tips for writing an ethical will
Here are some ideas to help you get started, from Barry K. Baines’ website, ethicalwill.com. Do these exercises over a period of a few weeks or months: 1. Write a sentence or two focusing on: Beliefs and opinions. Things you do to act on your values. Something you learned from grandparents, parents, siblings, spouse or children. Something you learned from experience. Something for which you are grateful. Your hopes for the future. Details about the important events in your life. 2. Imagine that you had only a limited time left to live. What would you regret not having done? 3. Save items that articulate your feelings — from serious quotes to humorous cartoons. 4. Review what you’ve collected. Group similar ideas together and revise the categories into paragraphs. Add an introduction and conclusion. transcribe 100 letters from a husband to a wife during wartime,” said Genny Costanzo, community relations coordinator at the hospice. “It was bound and given to the family.”
Or it can be just a simple letter. Laurie Henrichsen, special events specialist, recalled the notes that her father left for her and her brother. “It restated all of his values and what he saw in each of us,” she recalled. “Any time I’m going through a crisis in my life, I bring it out and read it. He was the wise person in our family and I looked to him for advice.”
It’s never too early to start an ethical will. Baines, who also is vice president of Celebrations of Life ( celebrationsoflife.org), a company that helps people preserve their legacies, noted that ethical wills present an ideal opportunity to help you “identify what you value most and what you stand for.
“By articulating what we value now, we can take steps to ensure the continuation of those values for future generations,” he says. “It helps us come to terms with our mortality by creating something of meaning that will live on after we are gone.”