Helping women deal with male midlife crisis
“Manopause: Your Guide to Surviving His Changing Life” (Hay House) is a decidedly female-centric book.
The subject, though, is all men all the time — specifically men greeting midlife with less than open arms.
“Aging for today’s men is a somewhat unique experience,” says co-author Lisa Friedman Bloch. “As recently as 1900, the average male life span was a mere 48 years. Because of that, many of the physical and psychological challenges faced by midlife men today simply didn’t exist.”
And now? “Men are aging out of the workforce, and facing pressure to be lifelong providers and unfailing sexual partners,” she says. And this is a woman’s issue, because … “Every woman who has a close relationship with a man — be it as a mate, a father, a brother, a co-worker or friend — will be dealing with manopause as well,” says co-author Kathy Kirtland Silverman. “Understanding men’s physical and mental changes at midlife, and the underlying causes of some of their symptoms, allows women to share their knowledge and to give constructive help to the men they love. Properly handled, this life passage can be a time of rediscovery for men and rebirth for relationships, as men re-evaluate what is important to them and make positive changes.”
Following is an edited transcript of our interview with the co-authors.
Q: What is the average age for “manopause” onset?
Bloch: Typically men begin gradually losing testosterone at the rate of about 1 percent a year, starting around age 30. This means that in most cases, by the age of 50, men begin to recognize both physical and psychological signs of their cumulative hormonal loss. This is not a sudden change. It takes place over years, even decades, and the extent to which it is experienced is individual to each man.
Q: You say the midlife adjustment is as powerful as adolescence. Howso?
Silverman: A change in hormone levels, whether it is a surge or a drop, brings on confusion as a man’s body and thought processes begin a transformation. Surging hormones can drive teenage boys toward risky behaviors and unfamiliar sexual desires. Declining hormones can be equally confusing to mature men, who don’t understand why their bodies, drives and energy levels are changing. Since men equate manhood with the physical strength that testosterone helps to support, it’s no wonder they both fear and fight this decline.
Q: What are some common “manopause” behaviors?
Bloch: Mood swings, irritability, hypersensitivity or frustration. These are often related to their resistance to accepting their hormonal decline. Other signs may include declining energy, sleep interruptions and less interest in sex. And sometimes men experience depression, since testosterone is a natural antidepressant. On a positive note, due to their decline in testosterone, evolved manopause men can become better listeners and companions, more patient, more emotionally in touch and communicative.
Q: You mention changes in sexual desire and performance a lot. What’s the biggest message you want men and women to take away on that topic?
Silverman: A decline in testosterone brings on certain changes in a man’s sexual characteristics and abilities. But sex at midlife and onward can be the most satisfying sex in a man’s life, for both him and his partner. A manopause man is experienced, both in and out of bed. He has moved beyond a need for instant gratification, and has the patience and staying power to give his partner her greatest sensual satisfaction. He can communicate what he wants, and is willing to listen to what his partner wants. And happily, in cases where there are physical and psychological issues, today’s medical treatments can fine-tune performance.