Mom flustered by adults who encourage potty talk

Dear Miss Manners: My daughter just turned 3, and for the past year the recurring question I get from strangers is, “Is she potty trained?” or even worse.

This is not a rare occurrence. I get it everywhere, from restaurants while I am actively eating, to stores, to the post office. My other girlfriends assure me they also get this question often, and they are equally annoyed.

I do not wish to raise a child thinking it is acceptable to talk about her bathroom activities over meals or with strangers.

Last night, after repeated questioning from a waitress, my daughter announced that she had “gone poop in the potty!” earlier that day. The waitress immediately told the other staff, who passed this information around the restaurant in loud voices. My daughter then told them about an accident she had because she was playing and did not make it to the bathroom on time.

I told her it was not an appropriate dinner topic, but the people ignored me and kept discussing it. How do I make a child behave when the adults have no idea how to behave?

I also do not want to answer people who ask what type of undergarments she wears. I have tried looking horrified, but people seem to feel it is an appropriate subject.

Can you please come up with a polite way to point out to people that some subjects are not appropriate for general public discussion? I am on the verge of telling people she is just wearing normal underwear. How about you? Gentle reader: Thank you just the same, but Miss Manners also would prefer not to comment on her undergarments.

While you can’t reprimand the adults, you can certainly advocate on your child’s behalf. “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to embarrass my daughter by talking about her bathroom habits. I’m sure you understand.”

This has the added benefit of modeling for your daughter what her own reaction should be … and that “I pooped on the potty!” is not, and never will be, a conversation starter. Dear Miss Manners: What is the polite way to ask the person sitting next to you at a bar to stop flicking her hair in your direction while you’re eating? Gentle reader: “I’m afraid that my food is getting in your hair’s way. Perhaps I should move it.” Dear Miss Manners: In the course of my business day I am often called upon to answer questions related to my products and their purpose.

Some customers ask several questions in a rapid fashion, and I am unable to respond without interrupting them. Then, without giving me a chance to answer any of their questions, they say, “Well, I guess you don’t know anything.”

I need a response that allows me to defend myself and maintain my dignity. Gentle reader: Produce a pencil and paper and, while looking the customer directly in the eye (to show that you are paying attention), write down and number each of his questions.

Whether you faithfully transcribe the questions is irrelevant; the act of paying attention and taking notes will so flummox the questioner that you will then have time to answer the questions. However, Miss Manners does not advise taking notes on any electronic device, as the customer will assume you have decided to check your email instead of helping him. Dear Miss Manners: It has bugged me for years that none of my bosses has ever written a thank-you note for a Christmas gift, a wedding gift or any gift, for that matter. They have not even acknowledged the receipt of any gifts verbally.

Is there some business rule that I don’t know about where the wealthy or affluent or upper management don’t acknowledge gifts? I’m looking forward to an answer to this puzzling question. Gentle reader: Are you suggesting that the rich may be able to buy their way out of etiquette obligations the way people were once able to buy their way out of armies?

On the contrary. The amazing concept of noblesse oblige requires them to be even more considerate of those who are somewhat under their control.

Not in your office, apparently. But Miss Manners does wonder why you are giving presents to your bosses and attending their weddings (which would be the only reason for your giving a wedding present). These are not your friends, nor do they sound like friends worth having.