Balancing Act readers share insights on parenting, more

Having raised three children in the late ’70s and ’80s, I wish I had the wisdom to skip those endless exchanges Iwent through as a mom. If I could just go back in time, whenmy then-4-year-old insisted onwearing plaid pants and a striped top for a grocery trip to Jewel— which resulted in a fouralarm argument to change her clothes— Iwould pick my battles more carefully. Whocares who seesmy daughter in a mismatched outfit? But there Iwas, arguing with a 4-year-old.

My son recently became a father. I’d like to give him some ofmy sage advice, but, heck, parenting is as much a learning and growing process as anything else deemed so important. Therefore, I’m just going to sit back andwatchmy son and grandson evolve on their own, perhaps with a smile onmy face as I reminisce.

I tend to agree the government gets too involved with divorces, but that may be because the spouses are not mature enough to work things out on their own.

I’ve dealt with divorced couples for several years as a volunteer counselor at church, and so I’m under no illusions. It is truly a tragedy to see a divorce, and for some it’s the only way to reasonably deal with the situation. But it’s something that always hurts society and families.

Inmy professional opinion, I’d strongly disagree with your conclusion that children of divorced spouses are not at greater risk for social and psychological problems. The evidence available does not support that conclusion. The family is the basic building block of society, and I don’t thinkwe should pretend that the traditional family model isn’t the best option. The evidence says it is, and that does make good sense.

My youngest son, who is now32, still remembers the Chuck E. Cheese tale. When his 5-year-old freckle-faced, doe-eyed self looked up at me and asked, “Mama, canwe go to Chuck E. Cheese?” I stared down at him completely horrified at the thought of entering that zone of crazy and replied, “Oh, I’m so sorry. The closest one is in South America, andwe don’t have anyway to get there.” He completely accepted that explanation. To this day, he and I crack up about it.

I go back many years with the Chicago Police Department. Homicide/ rapewas part ofmy life. Imagine what itwas like forwomen to try to tell their stories to us male investigators. I could not tell you just howmany offenderswalked because, by male standards, most of us just did not understand that “no, stop” meant just that.

Ironically, the percentage (of rape victims) that Will is touting is probably a lot higher. The status of victim will always elude him until it happens to him or a member of his family.