Girlfriend bothered by boyfriend’s nude habits
Dear Amy: I’ve been dating a guy for two months. He is funny, smart, dropdead handsome, generous and really good to me.
We almost never argue, but there are two things I can’t get over. He lives with four other guys in a big house. They each have their own room, so privacy isn’t an issue. They’re all very good friends and hang out a lot.
The first problem is that my boyfriend is naked a lot when he’s at home. The other guys come and go that way too sometimes, but my boyfriend pretty much lives that way.
The second problem is that he’s really physical and affectionate with everyone. He doesn’t hug and kiss just me, but all of his friends too, and all the time! Guy or girl, gay or straight — I feel like he’s always hanging onto someone.
What do I do to get him to understand that these two expressions of intimacy should be between a guy and a girl, and not shared with the whole world? We’ve talked about it, but he says this is the way he is.
I’ve asked his friends to make him stop, but they don’t care how he behaves and say I should just let him be himself. I’ve told them that I think he’s acting gay, but one of the guys in the house is gay, and he assures me that this isn’t the case. What can I do?
Dear A: Let’s imagine your boyfriend wrote to me, saying, “My new girlfriend is great, except she wears clothes, like, almost all the time. And she’s such a prude! I told her friends she was acting really straight but they won’t make her stop. They say, ‘That’s just the way she is!’ “
The reason your boyfriend’s friends won’t make him change is because they are his friends. They like him this way. The reason your boyfriend won’t change is because he likes himself this way.
You are the only person in this household who doesn’t like him this way. If you’ve asked him to adjust and he won’t, it’s not because he can’t behave differently, it’s because he doesn’t want to.
“Acting gay” might not be as insulting to him as you intend it to be. Your choices now are to accept him — as is — or move on.