Boyfriend Not Ready To Marry

Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years. He is 26 and I am 23. We live together and share everything. We have talked about marriage and kids many times, but we seem to have different opinions. He says we might get married, but then he changes his mind.

He sees us as pretty much “married” already (but without legal documentation), and he’s worried about our financial status if we get married. He says he’ll feel really old if we get married and that he wants to “experience life” before he gives it up for a kid.

I told him if he ever asked me to marry him, I would say yes, and if he wanted kids, I would have them. I don’t want to push him away, but I want to be bound to him legally and religiously.

For now, we are relying on his parents financially. I just want to know for sure if we’ll take things to the next level. If not, I will stay with him regardless, I guess. How should I approach this?

Dear Confused: I worry about your status in this relationship.

It’s obvious that you want marriage and children. Your boyfriend says, “No marriage and no kids,” and you say, “OK, but if you change your mind, I’ll change mine too.”

I agree with your guy in one regard — you are both too immature to get married and start a family. I know this because you are not financially independent and your own relationship is so unbalanced.

If you want marriage and kids, you will need to establish your own life — with a profession as well as independent and balanced friendships and relationships — and then you will need to find a different partner.

Dear Amy: The wedding described by “RSVPeeved” may be legal and binding if the ceremony was performed in a location that recognizes common-law marriages.

RSVPeeved may want to advise her friend who thinks she isn’t really married to seek legal counsel about the legality of their “marriage,” regardless of how it was conducted.

Dear EJ: Other readers made this observation. Thank you.