It’s come to this: Woods reduced to a sideshow

AUGUSTA, Ga. — The massive crowd surrounding Tiger Woods was so desperate for progress, several fans let out a cheer when he drained a putt … on the practice green.

Woods remains a curiosity, a must-watch for both casual and devoted golf fans. I figured his first-round score at the Masters would fall somewhere between 66 and Time to Hang Up the Spikes.

His 1-over 73 presented a remarkable contrast to Jordan Spieth’s astounding 64.

Spieth makes it look easy, although he did benefit from some juicy breaks Thursday.

Woods would turn a light bulb replacement into a 10hour science project.

Take his butchering of the ninth hole. He hooked his drive and dropped the club while the ball sailed into the first fairway. His next shot was even worse, a semi-shank back into the trees. A hooded third shot from the pine straw left him 48 feet and a two-putt bogey.

“I hit the wrong shot,” Woods said of his drive. “And then I hit the wrong shot again.”

Woods was more descriptive on the 15th tee. A sliced drive produced this rip job: “Oh, Tiger, dumbass!”

Perhaps Woods’ two-way misses resulted from a 62-day layoff between competitive rounds. More likely, Woods won’t get much better Friday as he grinds to make the cut.

Afterward he sounded like a man not in touch with reality: “I’m still in it. I’m only nine back.”

The man on the cusp of becoming the face of American golf, on the other hand, is non-polarizing. TV networks won’t have to cover their mics in his presence, and he won’t habitually blow off autograph requests.

When the fans by the 18th green showered Spieth with a standing ovation Thursday, playing partner Billy Horschel was tempted to join in.

“He’s freaking 21 years old,” Horschel, 28, marveled. “The way he handles himself is unbelievably impressive.”

Horschel needled Spieth over what transpired on Nos. 11-13.

Spieth survived a wayward drive on the 11th to make par. He begged his ball to “sit down” on No. 12, but a gust of wind dropped it 7 feet below the hole. Spieth mishit his birdie putt, but it went in anyway. He sliced his drive on the 13th, but the ball ricocheted into the fairway.

“He called bank shot off the tree,” Horschel joked.

Spieth laid up to 71 yards, lasered his approach and holed a 2-footer.

That’s when Horschel told him: “Hey, dude, it’s no more Amen Corner. It’s Jordan’s Corner.”

Said Spieth: “Billy’s fun to play with. We mess with each other.”

Woods, meanwhile, misfired from his opening tee shot — a 3-wood that landed outside the bunker to the right of the fairway. His second drive hooked into the trees and traveled just 231 yards.

Asked about his return, Woods mainly talked about how slow he thought the greens were: “The balls just weren’t rolling out.”

OK, but birdies were there to be had. Spieth made nine, Jason Day seven.

The game is a struggle for Woods. But, hey, at least he torpedoed the chipping yips.

“It’s my strength again,” he said of his short game. “That’s why I’ve busted my butt (during his layoff ). That’s why I hit thousands and thousands of shots to make sure that it’s back to being my strength.”

It’s a start, I suppose.