Relationship’s bogged down by blog
Dear Amy: My only sister and I have never been close, possibly due to a six-year age difference and having grown up in an alcohol-fueled and abusive home. In adulthood, we went our separate ways and rarely had contact with one another.
Recently she moved to the same city in which I live, so I reached out to her to try to rekindle our relationship. During our visit, she confided to me about a big decision she and her husband are facing. I cautioned her about rushing into the decision. I learned later, by reading about this conversation on her blog, that she felt I had tried to “shame her” and that I had stuck my nose into her business. I was quite surprised and hurt by her reaction and interpretation of that conversation.
I asked her to refrain from specifically referring to me in her blog posts. I am an extremely private person and find it deeply offensive and disrespectful that she would write something so accusatory about me and publish it for the world to see. She didn’t respect my request. I have given up, as she clearly has no interest in respecting my wishes. I stopped all contact with her (including unfriending her on Facebook).
I find it frustrating that she has continued to mention me in a few posts since, by making statements such as “certain family members refuse to let things go.” She has referred to me as a bully. Was I wrong to have asked that she not make specific reference to me in her blogs? How could I have handled things differently and what advice do you have for me going forward?
— Stonewalled In The Rockies
Dear Stonewalled: We live in an era of social sharing, where people sometimes use social media to wound others — either through outright malice or through thinly veiled references. You asked your sister to stop writing about you, but she thinks that she is writing about her own life. And now, even asking her to stop brings on another mention. Stop reading and reacting. Moving forward, I hope that you each get professional help to cope with the ongoing relational fallout of growing up in a household where boundaries weren’t respected. I interpret her behavior (and perhaps your reaction) as a symptom of growing up in an alcohol-fueled and abusive home.
You can write Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or by mail to: Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.