The Magic shouldn’t get complacent.
Please, Orlando Magic fans, coaches and front-office personnel, I beg you not to be fooled by this week’s brief burst of respectability as this disappointing season comes to an anticlimactic end. Don’t think the Magic have somehow discovered the Holy Grail, the long-term solution to what ails them. What you are seeing is what I like to call “Bad Golfer’s Syndrome” — and here’s how it works:
You see, bad golfers like myself will go out and hook and hack and slice and slash the ball around for 17 miserable holes and record a pitiful score of about 105 (including one mulligan per nine). And then, when the pressure is off, we’ll step up to the 18th tee, swing really hard and somehow stripe a drive about 275 right down the gut of the fairway.
This is when the bad golfer, in a delusional but delighted state, will get into his cart and exclaim confidently to his playing partner, “I think I just figured this game out!”
In reality, though, two or three good shots when the pressure is off doesn’t erase the rest of a wretched round. In golf, as in basketball, you are what your score card says you are.
SHORT STUFF: The University of Miami’s annual pro day was nearly ruined because of rain and the lack of an indoor practice facility. This, more than anything, illustrates why UM’s football program has become mediocre over the last decade. The Hurricanes’ lack of facilities and lack of investment in the program’s infrastructure is why they can’t compete anymore with the big boys of college football. Sadly, these days, the “U’’ stands for “Underfunded.” … My Final Four picks: Villanova over Oklahoma by 2 points, UNC over Syracuse by 7 academic-fraud violations, 6 fake classes and 5 tutors writing papers for athletes. … Speaking of the Final Four, thank God somebody finally talked some sense into those Turner TV executives who were actually considering remaking and replacing the Luther Vandross version of “One Shining Moment.” Things you just don’t do: 1. Tug on Superman’s cape. 2. Spit into the wind. 3. Pull the mask off the Lone Ranger. 4. Mess around with Luther. …
The U.S. women’s soccer team should be redcarded for filing a legal action demanding the same pay as the men’s team. This is ludicrous. The dominant, dynastic U.S. women should not be demanding the same pay as their inferior male counterparts; they should be demanding more pay. You can’t put a fi- nancial value on how much more the U.S. women have done to popularize and promote soccer in this country than the men. The U.S. women are the cash cows of their sport whereas the U.S. men are sort of like Vanderbilt — getting a big, fat check from the SEC just because they happen to be in the same league as Alabama, LSU, Florida and Georgia (aka Brazil, Germany, England and Argentina). …
Let’s hear it for Dale Earnhardt Jr. for announcing he’s going to donate his brain to science. And let’s hear for it for Brian France for NOT announcing it! … Everything I’ve heard from people in the business is that UCF’s new women’s basketball coach Katie
Abrahamson-Henderson is another hiring coup for new AD Danny White. If “Coach Abe” can take Albany to five straight NCAA Tournaments, then you’d think transforming the UCF program into a consistent winner should be a given. …
Hey, did you see where Urban Meyer is going to have a satellite recruiting camp in Georgia this summer? Cue up the Charlie Daniels Band:
“The devil went down to Georgia, looking for some soles to steal.
He was in a bind, Harbaugh on his mind, so he gave ’em his recruiting spiel.
When he came upon this QB, dropping back and making every throw,
Urban jumped upon a blocking sled and said, ‘Boy, I’ll make you the next Tebow.’
The boy said, ‘My name’s Johnny, and down here you’re still protested, If I sign with you, at the ol’ Horseshoe, I’ll end up getting arrested.’ ” LAST WORD: “It has come out that Clippers
point guard Chris Paul will skip this year’s Olympics in Brazil to spend time with his son. And also, to spend time not getting the Zika virus.” — Conan
O’Brien