Getting a Ph.D. was easy, compared to dealing with mom
Dear Amy: I am a 27-year-old recent Ph.D. graduate who has moved back into my parents’ home (hopefully temporarily) and looking for my first job.
With today’s economy and the glut of Ph.D. holders in my field, it hasn’t been an easy process. To compound this, my mother has been constantly bothering me about career prospects over the last two months since I’ve moved home.
My mother is impatient for me to get my adult life started, especially as many of our family friends’ children (some even younger than me) have been working for years, started their own families, even bought their first house, and she’s worried that I’m falling behind. I’m becoming increasingly frustrated over my unemployment status, and my mother’s nagging is making it worse.
Do you have any suggestions on how to cope with both the unemployment and my mother’s pestering?
— Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: The best way to cope with unemployment is to stay very busy, nurture yourself and your friendships and to approach a job search as if it is your full-time job.
Because you face pressure from family — and for lots of other reasons — it might be best for you to get a part-time job while you are looking for a professional job. Working part time in almost any field is better than being unemployed while you wait for the perfect job to come along.
Volunteering is also a great way to stay busy and mentally and socially stimulated during your job search. Realistically, it may not be possible for you to stop your mother’s nagging. Remember this, though — nagging is sometimes a reaction from someone who feels she is not being listened to. If you could respond to your mother, just once, by saying, “Mom, let’s sit down and you tell me everything that’s on your mind.” After she unloads, even if you’ve heard it all before, answer her questions and then ask her to do you a favor and lighten up, because her anxiety about you is coming across as pressure, and pressure makes everything worse. You and your mother might want to read, “I’m Still Your Mother: How to Get Along with Your Grown-Up Children for the Rest of Your Life” by Jane Adams (2001, iUniverse).