Ask Amy: Workplace exclusion creates petty drama.

Dear Amy: I have a new colleague who recently moved from another division at our company into mine. She is now working as the program coordinator for our team of eight colleagues.

She is very accommodating to everyone, has a great attitude and is very adept at her job.

She has told me that some of our colleagues have given her the cold shoulder and have been very unfriendly/difficult to work with.

Recently, she found out that she was not invited to a birthday party that other team members attended. Another invitation came up for a wedding shower/ luncheon of a teammate, and she wasn’t included.

I have been on the receiving end of this kind of behavior from colleagues at previous workplaces who intentionally exclude you, are unkind, etc. This is very discouraging behavior for someone who is new to a group and trying to get along/fit in with everyone.

When I first began in this position, I felt the same way.

I don't know what other advice to give her, except to rise above the petty drama and continue to be a kind colleague with a great work ethic. What's your advice?

Dear Colleague: Your advice, to "rise above the petty drama," is great. As a life-motto, this advice deserves its own T-shirt.

Here is additional perspective: If your colleague is new, other team members may simply not know her well enough to include her in off-site personal occasions, such as birthdays and wedding showers, where there is some pressure to attend and bring a gift.

Sometimes people respond to social uncertainty by basically being too clunky, shy, or intimidated to demonstrate basic decent manners. This is amplified in a group. This is not an excuse for exclusion, but a possible explanation for the sometimes complicated dynamic.

If your group has coalesced into a unit, your new colleague's presence is throwing off the balance; things should rebalance in time.

You are already helping by being friendly and kind. You might be able to alter the dynamic by deliberately including your colleague -- and suggesting that your co-workers should, too, but it is also important to remember that it is not necessary to be personal friends with people in order to work well with them.