Ball’s antics prove bad for sports dads
Perhaps you haven’t heard of If not, don’t blame Ball.
The father of UCLA freshman guard
is trying very hard to become America’s Most Annoying Sports Dad. Sadly, it’s doing collateral damage to all sports dads.
You know the image, that they’re a bunch of screaming nut jobs trying to live out broken jock dreams through their kids.
As a sports dad living out my broken jock dreams through my kids (I always wanted to be a female gymnast), I scream, “No Fair!” Sports dads (and moms) can be broken into three groups:
The friendly, harmless and supportive — 73 percent.
The ones who feel obligated to show up but stare at their smartphones all game — 24 percent.
The jerks you want to punch in the face — 3 percent.
That vast majority is like the 103,000 planes that land safely each day: Not news. The ones that crash and leave a trail of carnage: News.
Ball would be Malaysian Airlines Flight 370, which disappeared into the South Pacific three years ago and became the
of disasters. CNN alone devoted 2.3 million hours of coverage, highlighted by host/astrophysicist theorizing the Boeing 777 was swallowed by a black hole.
Ball has said Lonzo is better than He says he plans to negotiate a package shoe deal worth $1 billion for Lonzo and younger brothers
and
It’s fine to be proud of your kids. The real annoyance is how proud LaVar is of himself.
He says he would have beaten one-on-one in their primes. Ball did average 2.2 points a game in one season at Washington State.
has chimed in, of course. Now they’re jawing about a one-on-one showdown. The attention just brings more attention, and every bounce of the crazy Ball perpetuates the Sports Dad stereotype.
I hate to wish ill will on anyone. But if there’s a black hole out there looking to swallow somebody, I have an outstanding candidate. COMMENTARY father supposedly ate the family dog when his son was 10. says it’s not true, but Manny says the canine cuisine caused a rift that wasn’t healed until a couple of years ago.
In related news, LiAngelo Ball’s pet dachshund has reportedly gone missi… ah, I can’t go there again.
I recently did an item about the Minnesota Vikings’ new stadium and how hundreds of confused birds fly into the glass structure a year and are killed, and how meatdeficient Subway is opening six new outlets in the stadium.
An alarmed reader sent me an online petition demanding the Vikings install patterned glass panels that would reduce bird casualties by 90 percent. I signed it and encourage you to Google it and do the same. But I refuse to give up KFC for Lent.
The exFSU defensive back/ Rhodes Scholar announced Friday he was entering a neurosurgery residency at Massachusetts General Hospital. Ultra kudos for choosing a career saving brains instead of damaging them.
Runner-up: Muirfield. In order to get back into the British Open rotation, the Scottish golf course voted to admit women.
the captain of the Honourable Company of Edinburgh Golfers, announced the member tally was 498 yays and 123 nays. The no voters were reportedly worried that women might make fun of them for wearing kilts. Runner-up:
of the Honourable Company of Edinburgh Golfers. Anyone with a name and title like that must be a stud, even in a kilt.
Coach Choke-a-Student went on
radio show and said he wishes anyone who had anything to do with his ouster at Indiana would die.
In related news, a petition demanding Knight be strapped to the Vikings stadium so birds would fly into him has garnered 193 million signatures. The Knicks are reportedly trying to trade for a
copy of doctoral thesis on gravitational radiation.
now claims in his prime he could perform a better craniotomy than
Muirfield has announced it will keep Friday Drag Night, but women will not be allowed to dress as