Mike Bianchi:
It’s time for Tiger Woods to retire.
Running off at the typewriter
Tiger Woods just had his fourth back surgery in three years and will once again miss the entire golf season. You can forget about Tiger ever winning again. In fact, I don’t think he’ll ever play again. Prediction: By this time next year, Tiger Woods won’t be competing in the majors; he’ll be commentating on them. … Sentinel colleague Scott Maxwell has an excellent column this week on “10 people who make Orlando a better place to live.” And now for the 10 people who make Orlando a worse place to live: The Magic scouting department. … Speaking of the Magic, they’ve given thought to reaching out to Cleveland Cavaliers GM
David Griffin to gauge his interest in heading their basketball operations, accord-
ing to Yahoo Sports. This potential news is absolutely shocking to me not because the Magic are interested in Griffin but because I thought LeBron
James was the GM of the Cavs. … Speaking of LeBron, he is the only player in the league that if you put him on the Magic, they would instantly become a Finals team. This makes him the MVP this year and every year.
How massive is the Magic’s rebuild? “Excluding the Brooklyn Nets, they have the least amount of talent on their roster in the league,” ESPN analyst
Brian Windhorst told me earlier this week. “It’s a major rebuilding situation.” Happy times. … Hope all of you got your taxes filed on time earlier this week and are getting a nice fat refund check. Sports fans, you earned a deduction if: (1) You don’t blindly justify the transgressions of a player or coach just because he’s on your team; (2) You resist the urge to walk out of church in the middle of the pastor’s sermon so you can make a last-minute fantasyfootball transaction; (3) You don’t litter your Facebook feed with political rants. Likewise, you get audited if: (1) You’ve ever unsuccessfully tried to start the wave; (2) You’ve ever been asked to leave a Little League game; (3) You’ve ever used the term “arm talent” when discussing Mitch Trubisky’s strengths heading into the NFL Draft.
When I was a guest earlier this week on the SEC Network’s Paul Finebaum Show, I suggested that FSU might be the preseason No. 1 team in the country. Finebaum seemed legitimately offended that anyone might actually believe another team other than his beloved Alabama Crimson Tide should be preseason No. 1. Then again, I’m not surprised. When it comes to Finebaum, SEC stands for (Saban-Exalting Commentator). … New York Knicks president Phil Jackson says Carmelo Anthony “would be better off somewhere else.” Couldn’t the same be said for Jackson, who is starting to look more and more like former Knicks president Isiah
Thomas without the sexual-harassment charges. . … Amazingly, Serena Williams was 10 weeks pregnant when she won the Australian Open. “Then,” as
Jimmy Fallon cracked, “the baby said, ‘So do I get a doubles trophy?’ ” ... Did you see where the Tampa Bay Bucs are going to be the featured team on the HBO TV series “Hard Knocks”? Question for the Bucs: Is it really a good idea to have a camera documenting Jameis Winston’s every move? This is the football equivalent of that Greek dude who flew too close to the sun with wings made of wax.
Fox News covered up Bill O’Reilly’s transgressions for years and only removed him when they became public. Hey, that sounds like how most college football programs do business! … And speaking of shady college football programs reacting to public outrage, Baylor just hired its first female president. What a coincidence!
When the Simpsons turned 30 earlier this week, I came up with my Mount Rushmore of cartoon characters: (1) Bugs Bunny; (2) Foghorn Leghorn; (3) Penelope Pitstop; (4) Scooby-Doo .…The New England Patriots were honored at the White House earlier this week, and I don’t even want to know what Gronk was doing in the Lincoln bedroom.
LAST WORD: And with the first pick in next week’s NFL Draft, the Cleveland Browns take — drum roll, please —