Behold, the power of Gundy’s mullet
If you’re looking for a football team to support this fall, I recommend Oklahoma State for one overriding reason.
When the Cowboys win, the mullet wins. And when the mullet wins, America wins.
This particular mullet sits atop coach
scalp. It is a distinctive hairstyle with which I’m sure most of you are familiar.
But in case you just got off the boat from Iran, the hair is short on top but flows down the neck. Or as they say: Business in the front, party in the back!
Frankly, I’ve always sort of liked mullets. But I grew up when they were socially acceptable, at least if you were in a rock band and wanted to look like
Somewhere in the early 1990s, probably around the invention of
society decided the mullet not only looked ridiculous, it also signified a lack of sophistication and gray matter.
Now opposition-research teams scour old yearbooks looking for mullet photos they can use as blackmail.
I’m not sure that explains why there were so few Democratic presidential candidates last year
would have been a classic mullet candidate in his Arkansas heyday), but how many mullets do you see proudly displayed these days?
Zero, unless you shop at Wal-Mart.
See, that’s the kind of snobbish crack that should make you cheer for the mullet. Gundy had one in the 1980s and brought it back last year. It became a phenomenon.
Oklahoma State sold a lot of mullet-inspired paraphernalia. The Cowboys went 10-3. Oklahoma coach
resigned. Coincidence? I think not.
The mullet returned last week at Big 12 Media Days, with Gundy saying his ’do has been worth millions of marketing dollars to the school.
“We need to get our brand out there,” he said.
Call it Revenge of the Mullet.
When you ridicule it, you ridicule America’s blue-collar spirit. We know that’s true because Iran banned the mullet in 2010, saying it was part of a COMMENTARY “Western cultural invasion.”
It seems that The Great Satan, as Iranian officials calls Uncle Sam, wears a mullet.
There’s only one appropriate response to that, sports fans.
Go Cowboys!
Contrary to reports, the four members of the Nevada parole board were not mullet-wearers with a combined IQ of 83. But one of them did wear a Kansas City Chiefs tie, leading to speculation the Chiefs might sign a free-agent contract.
immediately filed a protest with the NFL, noting Dallas has dibs on all prison parolees. to
The Beijing Municipal Bureau of Culture has banned in order to “purify the Chinese performance environment.” Just one more reason you’d rather vacation in China than Iran.
New Jersey’s governor made a nice one-handed catch of foul ball at a Mets game. After his fine effort earned only boos from the crowd, Christie announced the closing of all bridges between New York and New Jersey until further notice. Runner-up:
cell phone, for providing evidence the ex-Ole Miss coach wasn’t just sweet-talking football players. Whoever stole —a pit bull who belongs to Cowboys receiver Somebody dog-napped Blitz and demanded $10,000. The story took some bizarre turns, but Blitz was eventually returned unharmed. In related news, denied any role in the caper and said he plans to resume his hunt for the real kidnappers.
In the quote of the week, Simpson told the parole board, “Nobody has ever accused me of pulling any weapon on them.” But the week’s biggest verbal news came when said would improve his NFL employment chances if he got a mullet.
Social media was outraged, but an Iranian government spokesman said the country would temporarily waive its no-mullet policy if Kaepernick wanted to visit. The Knicks are reportedly trying to trade for a CD. The Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada has named as its new recruiting coordinator. Happy birthday on Saturday to
and whose Shakespearean portrayal of Joe Dirt should have earned him the Oscar for Best Performance by a mullet in a leading role.