Retired colleague is tired of social work

Dear Amy: Now retired, I was always the one at work that instigated gettogethers with colleagues. We worked for a government organization and therefore there were NEVER dinners or social occasions sponsored by the employer because we were using taxpayers’ money. I instigated birthday parties, often out of my pocket, or we’d have an end-of-the-year blowout and I’d organize people to chip in money to buy steaks for the grill and everyone would bring a dish to pass.

Now after retirement, it seems it’s up to me to call everyone and find an agreeable date for whatever the event, mostly just to reconnect and for fun. I’m burnt out and offended that it’s left up to me. No one calls me just to visit, and I’ve just had it. If we were such great friends, I feel it should be up to everyone to make these events happen. I’m wondering what your thoughts are. former colleagues who will lazily accept an invitation or agree to a plan if you do all the work. I give great credit to the social fixers like yourself who remember birthdays, organize special occasions, and show up at the office with baked goods and a smile. Work life would be a colorless experience of gray-scaled drudgery without you.

However, many people look forward to retirement partly for the joy of finally being independent from the social niceties that crop up at work. I’m not saying that these people don’t like you — you should assume that they do. But it might be time for you to move on and form friendships among people who share more with you than working on the Peterson account. Look for people who occasionally initiate and reciprocate. Because you deserve a break. You’ve definitely earned it.

Dear Amy: We have a female friend that flosses immediately after eating at a restaurant, which we find disgusting. She does this at the table while everyone is talking! What do you think of this practice?

Dear Disgusted: Count me as “disgusted,” too. Not only is it unhygienic, flossing falls into the category of “personal care,” which simply shouldn’t be performed in public. One of you could ask her to step into the “Ladies” room and say, “I understand that you want to floss your teeth, but would you mind not doing it at the table?” If she says she’d rather do it at the table, I’d let her also pick up the check.