As a guest, ordering coffee nowadays can be tricky
He’s only her biological father; he didn’t raise her.” Also, what if he includes me in his will, but I don’t attend the funeral? I’d like to take the smoothest path, but I’m not sure what that is.
It’s good of you to consider the feelings of the widow and her children, but yes, you should attend your father’s funeral. They have been aware of your existence and can surely understand that this is an act of piety on your part. Whether you are mentioned in the will should not be a factor. Where Miss Manners believes that your delicacy should be shown is in not making yourself conspicuous. Other mourners may not be aware of your relationship, and this is not the time to make it clear. Whether you want to skip any reception that may be held after the ceremony or just hang back, you do not want to set everyone abuzz with gossip when they should be focused on the life of the deceased.
Asa retired teacher of creative writing and a blogger offering advice on the subject, I am often presented with published books by, and from, former students.
I usually read these literary gifts, which range in quality from punk to pretty good. I try to thank the author, and I can always find something encouraging to say about their work.
Sometimes, though, my kind words force me into a moral dilemma. I recently read a mystery novel by a mediocre writer, and I told the author that I was entertained by her suspenseful yarn. Her response? She told me I should buy and read the other books in her series and her two stand-alone mysteries too. And she urged me to review her books on Amazon.
My dilemma: Should I forget about her request and hope she will let the matter drop, or should I go on Amazon and give this former student of mine the two stars (or fewer) that her novel deserves?
As their teacher, it was your job to criticize their writing. But now they are published authors whose books — as you understand — were given to you as presents. That puts you in the nonprofessional, social position of mustering what positive comments you reasonably can, in order to be gracious. In any case, these particular books can no longer profit from your criticism. But — aha! — perhaps their sales could. It isn’t surprising that this occurred to their authors. Yet offering public endorsement would mean using the weight of your professional standing. Thus, you shouldn’t commit yourself to an evaluation beyond what you believe the books merit. So yes, the most tactful way to avoid this is to ignore the suggestion. Should you be pressed again, you can honestly say, “Well, I’m no longer your teacher, but I wish you success.”