Pole-dancing would be Olympic eye-catcher
One of the most amazing athletic performances I’ve ever witnessed was at a bachelor party.
It involved a shiny pole and a long-legged performer named
She wore high heels and did some amazing contortions while clinging to that metal object.
The crowd showed its appreciation by stuffing $1 and $5 bills in her garter.
As impressive as her act was, I didn’t see it as the ideal career path for most young women.
But now if one of my daughters came up to me and said, “Daddy, my dream is to become a pole dancer,” I’d have to say, “You go, girl.”
That’s because poledancing may become an Olympic sport.
It has just been granted “observer status” by the Global Association of International Sports Federations.
That’s the first vital step toward getting recognition by the International Olympic Committee. Because most IOC decisions are founded on bribes and strippers, I predict Destiny and her pals and will march in at the Opening Ceremony of the 2024 Olympics.
We’ll pause now to let you lament the fate of the civilized world.
My first reaction was laughter, followed by horror when I realized it wasn’t fake news.
Then I remembered how Destiny displayed more athletic ability than an entire NASCAR starting grid.
Seriously, 98 percent of us would be permanently maimed if we tried to pole-dance.
And it’s an increasingly popular workout regimen. But does that make it a “sport” worthy of Olympic recognition?
The answer is yes because Olympic recognition is now based largely on one thing — does it grab TV eyeballs?
That’s why the ancient Greek sports like golf and snowboarding have been added in recent years.
Meanwhile, the IOC tried to purge wrestling because nobody wants to watch two guys roll around on a mat for six minutes.
Maybe I’m too hung up on tradition. I guess if there had been TV in 776 B.C., the Greeks would COMMENTARY have replaced GrecoRoman wrestling with “Monday Night Raw.”
Being a patriot, I’ll have to root for Destiny to become an Olympic champion, get on the cover of a Wheaties box and inspire millions of girls to become poledancers.
I just hope that when she gets her gold medal, the IOC representative doesn’t try to slip a $5 bill into her warmup suit.
,a 26-year-old Long Islander. He became only the 34th person to bowl a 900 series (three straight perfect games).
Despite reports he used a deflated ball, the NFL said it will not investigate Novara because he was not wearing a Patriots jersey.
VICE Sports reports the Lakers rookie is charging $15,000 for any interview that is not mandated by the NBA.
That’s a tad steep, but I would gladly pay $15,000 to never hear say another word.
A Cleveland Indians fan named got a tattoo of on his leg about 20 years ago. Losing to the Yankees in the ALDS was apparently too much for him, so he started a GoFundMe page to have the “racist and obscene” tattoo removed.
It’ll cost $1,000, and as of Saturday Allen had raised $157.
In related news, Chief Wahoo has started a GoFundMe page seeking to have tattoos of him removed from anyone dumb enough to get a huge ink representation of a mascot on their body. announced Saturday he will not block the release of the last batch of thousands of government documents related to the JFK assassination.
Experts say the documents are unlikely to contain solid evidence
conspired with the Russians, or the Mob.
But they will prove that the NBA rigged the 1985 draft so that the Knicks could draft
In a lawsuit filed last week, claims the NCAA granted him “observer status” at Louisville so he was not obligated to stop his staff from providing hookers to recruits.
Correction: Research shows that an entire 40-driver NASCAR starting grid actually has more athletic ability than one pole dancer but not as much as a 900-series bowler.
In a gender-equity move, the International Olympic Commitee announced wrestling will be permanently reinstated as long as the competitors are bikini-clad females and they wrestle in oil.