This ‘Mr.’ wonders how to become ‘Grandpa’

Dear Amy: I have three grandchildren who address me as “Mr.,” and not as “Grandpa.” Although it is true that I was not in their lives growing up, I was not a bad or cruel influence.

A few years ago, I sent a Christmas gift (a large check) to one of these grandchildren, and I quickly received a nice thank you card, but it was addressed “Dear Mr. ‘Smith.’ ” I was so angry that I never sent another gift, and haven’t heard from them since.

I am 87 years old. How do I become “Grandpa” before it is too late? Yes, sometimes grandparents send big checks, but the big check is supposed to be an expression of love, not a bid for it.

Your reaction to this gracious “thank you” was punitive. Instead of simply saying, “I would love it if you would call me ‘Grandpa,’ you cut off all communication, missing yet another opportunity for meaningful connection.

Reach out to these three grandchildren. Explain yourself. Describe your life, and explain why you weren’t in their lives during their formative years. Apologize for all of the missed opportunities. Ask them to get in touch and tell you about themselves.

You don’t mention your relationship with the parents of these three grandchildren, but — obviously — they hold an influential and important relationship card with these children.

I hope you take whatever steps you can to resolve this issue soon. You will not regret trying.

Dear Amy: I was appalled at those ridiculous “cat ladies” [Upset Aunt] who refused to sequester their cats during the visit of an allergic family member. I have had several dogs and cats over the years that cannot interact with visitors (for a variety of reasons). I always put the needs of my human guests first. My animals can handle it.

Dear Hospitality: I agree with your take.