NFL could use a support peacock
The big day has finally arrived, and I’m afraid it will end with needing a peacock. Not just any peacock, of course, but an emotionalsupport peacock.
In case you missed this past week’s big news, a lady showed up at Newark airport and tried to board a United flight with a traveling partner named Dexter.
Dexter, it should be noted, is a peacock.
Apparently the lady needed Dexter to hold her hand and place a nice cool towel on her forehead on the flight to Los Angeles.
The other big news was the release of the House memo claiming New England used a doctored dossier to get FISA court permission to spy on the Jets. I’m kidding, of course. The Patriots are actually spying on the Eagles, which brings us back to Goodell.
As any Patriots fan will attest, the commissioner despises New England.
So he’ll be distraught after inevitably throws six fourthquarter touchdown passes and the Patriots win another Super Bowl.
Even worse for Goodell, a lot of people won’t care.
A Wall Street Journal/ NBC News poll last week showed 51 percent of men aged 18 to 49 closely follow the NFL.
It was 75 percent just four years ago.
“If I’m the NFL, I’m freaking out about that a little bit,” pollster
said. The poll cited concussion carnage, injuries to stars, the national-anthem flap and probable collusion between the NBA and
Whatever the cause, Goodell could use a nice cool towel on his forehead.
I’ll admit, I laughed when I first heard about emotional-support animals.
But they are proven to help people with physical, psychiatric and intellectual disabilities.
If a dog or cat can do that, why not a peacock?
Sure, I wouldn’t want to sit next to one in coach for five hours, especially if it had to keep getting up to go to the lavatory. Dexter was bounced off the flight, but the NFL has a fleet of private jets. COMMENTARY
Somebody needs to fly him to Minneapolis and deliver him to Goodell’s suite today. Though given how the NFL Empire is fading, perhaps another fine feathered friend would be more fitting.
Anyone know where we can find an emotionalsupport turkey? The father of three of
victims tried to attack the gymnast doctor/molester during a sentencing hearing.
With the usual caveat about how that was inappropriate, who among us wasn’t hoping Margraves could have gotten his hands on Nassar for just a minute?
With the world watching and his playing partner waiting, Holmes took four minutes and 10 seconds to play his second shot on the final hole of the Farmers Insurance Open.
Sure, it can be tough deciding whether to go for the green or lay up on a par-5. But it shouldn’t take longer than it did for
to give the Gettysburg Address. At the pre-Super Bowl press conference, halftime performer
said he won’t let his son play the brainaddling game of football.
Goodell immediately started banging his head against the nearest wall.
Lincoln’s address at Gettysburg took between two and three minutes. The exact time isn’t known because there was no shot clock back then.
We do know that a fast high-schooler can run a mile in less than four minutes and 10 seconds. And despite and
arguing over who got to sing lead, the Beatles sang “The Long and Winding Road” in less time than it took Holmes to decide between hitting a fairway wood or an iron.
In related news, the PGA Tour announced that the twosome playing behind Holmes will be allowed to walk with emotional-support penguins.
After taking the stage at the Fast Food Producers of America convention,
told the attendees he’ll never let his son eat a Big Mac. Stud of the week:
I know that’s already been noted, but you can’t say it enough.
Publix reported a 39-minute backup at a checkout counter Saturday after could not decide between paper or plastic.
And happy birthday to
and who didn’t need an emotional-support peacock on his flight from New York to Paris.