‘Ghosted’ online relationship might be a catfish
Dear Amy: I have been in a committed online relationship with a man in the UK for what would now be two months, but a little over two weeks ago, he completely disappeared.
I'm 25 and he is 27. I first got in contact with him selling something on eBay, and we kind of just started talking. Before he disappeared, we would talk for hours every single day and we'd video call all the time.
We had so much in common! He made me laugh every day. He talked about flying out to New York to meet me.
Right before he disappeared, he told me he struggled with depression and he's been dealing with a lot, and that he needs to take some time to think about a lot of things. I said I'm here for him and that I completely respect that he wants to take time off.
He said he tends to shut people out for a bit, but asked me not to take it personally.
And now he's gone. I tell myself that maybe he's still taking his time? Maybe it's all in my head? Could he be hurt? Dead?
At this point, I'm just worried. There's no way to find out if he's OK. I can't seem to get over it, even though I know that I have to move on. I just can't deny that we had true feelings for each other.
I just want to move on and accept that he's gone (because this false sense of hope is killing me), and yet no outlook seems to satisfy me.
What should I do?
Dear Upset: This man telegraphed that he would disappear. Depressed people tend to "go to ground" when they're not feeling well. He told you this would happen, and asked you not to take it personally. I hope you won't.
You only knew him for six weeks. Granted, it was an intense six weeks, filled with hours of conversations and video calls, but you have never known him through a depressed cycle.
I must also point out the obvious -- that this man might not be at all who or what you think he is. Your own desires and beliefs may have helped to create an alternate reality. If you've ever watched the documentary series "Catfish," you will know the risks of conducting online-only relationships.