Mother wants to take in daughter's friend

Dear Amy: We have had a 13-year-old staying with us for four months.

She came home with our daughter and asked if she could stay for a week, and we were very happy that she stayed on.

Now her 23-year-old sister wants to have her leave our home and live with her and her boyfriend.

The problem is they can't seem to make ends meet.

I have seen this child grow and change and really come out of her shell since she has lived with us.

She brings a lot of joy to our home.

I feel like her leaving would break a part of me that is already wounded.

I told the girl that we are in her corner either way. And she says she enjoys the stability of our home.

What should I do?

Dear Mom: Families like yours who take in and take care of unrelated children form an informal network of compassion and caring. Scores of adults report that they wouldn't have survived their teen years without their neighbors, or their friends' parents, providing shelter, affection, encouragement and support.

You don't mention this girl's parents or provide details about her family situation, but if she is living with you without her parents' permission, you could be in some legal jeopardy for harboring her. That's a worst-case scenario regarding your own risks.

You should research the laws in your state to see what your legal risks and responsibilities are. If she continues to live with you, you should consider trying to pursue guardianship status in order to make important decisions on her behalf.

Perhaps you have survived a tragedy, and this young person's presence in your household is helping you to heal. This is a blessing for everyone. But this child has needs, too, and you must not add to her burden by assigning her the responsibility of healing your adult wounds.

You are absolutely right to let her know that you are in her corner. You (and your spouse, if you have one) should meet with the girl's older sister and that young woman's boyfriend to try to discern if they can provide a safe environment and are really equipped to handle this responsibility.

If the girl chooses to live with them, you should stay connected.

Leave your door open.