Boyfriend believes he’s bisexual
Dear Amy: I have been with my current boyfriend for a year. After hitting it off at a party, he immediately asked me out. He seemed very into me during the initial dating phase, and then we made it official in April.
Halfway through the summer he admitted to me that, based on his “behavior with guys at parties,” he thought he was bisexual. Although he says he has never been in a relationship with a man, or (apparently) had sex with a man, he claimed that his feelings toward men had been increasing and leaving him feeling overwhelmed with erotic fantasies.
I can’t help but feel duped by the fact that he waited to tell me this until I told him I loved him.
He has been yo-yo-ing between wanting to be in a relationship with me and breaking up, because he says he doesn’t know whether he could pursue a long-term relationship with anyone until he knew more about his sexuality.
In the past, we have spoken about moving in together. We have even speculated about what our children might look like. We have also spoken about breaking up to enable him to explore his sexuality. I would find being in an open relationship emotionally destructive.
I don’t know whether encouraging him to stay with me is selfish, as it is not allowing him the space to discover who he really is. I am lost, hurt, confused, and I don’t know what to do. What’s your take? Am I being too close-minded?
You don’t sound close-minded, and you don’t sound particularly selfish. You sound like someone who is trying hard to be in a steady and monogamous relationship with a man who is telling you that he wants (and needs) to explore.
You two are headed in opposite directions. You are thinking about cohabiting and babies, and he is thinking about ... a lot of other things, most of which seem to point him toward other people and other relationships.
You do not have the option of forcing him to stay with you. Nor should you coerce him to stay with you. You need to let him go, and — because being in an open relationship wouldn’t be healthy for you — you should love and support him as a friend while he figures out who he is and what he wants.
Dear Amy: I pride myself on being a good listener.
While not a fast talker, my speech pattern is not halting. However, I have several friends who finish my sentences along with me and/or cut me off to talk about whatever they want.
I feel dismissed by these actions. I have handled their finishing my sentences by saying, “Oh my God, that is exactly what I was going to say” or, “Nope, that is not what I was going to say,” which leads them to guess, out loud. When they cut me off, I let them have their say and continue on with “Is it OK if I continue with what I was talking about?”
Yet the behavior continues. These are good people with good manners, but I am made to feel invisible by their actions. What is your advice to help me get my message across?
Dear Dismissed: You’ve been patient and polite, as you have waited out these interruptions from your friends. You might kindly help them to refrain from engaging in this very bad habit. And they likely do this to other people.
When someone talks over you, you might raise your hand: “Oops, you’re interrupting me. You’re talking over me. Do me a favor and let me finish my thought, OK?”
Tell your friends, “I’m going to do a better job of NOT being invisible, but I need your help. I’m going to stop you when you interrupt me. I sincerely believe that this will help all of us to communicate better.”
Dear Amy: “Frustrated Millennial” didn’t like her old-fashioned parents’ views. I could not believe my eyes when you suggested that she say, “OK Boomer!”
That is dismissive and offensive to an entire generation!
Dear Upset: First of all, I suggested that she say this to herself. Second, I think the baby boom generation (to which I belong) should accept this trend with a rueful smile. It has been ever thus.