It’s hard to party with ‘one-party’ rule

Dear Amy: I am an intellectual conservative, living in liberal and one-party Berkeley, California.

Time after time at dinner parties, guests assume I am a liberal like they are.

When I tell them that I’m fairly conservative, they just don’t get it. They disparage “right-wing hillbillies” and say all conservatives are “evil people.”

One time I countered, “Forty percent of the people in this country are not evil. They are good people. They just have different values from yours.”

The table became silent, they all glared at me, and the dinner was ruined.

What is one to do? Must one just smile faintly and bear it? What can one say?

— Frustrated Republican in Berkeley

Dear Frustrated: Whenever I try to tackle a politics-adjacent question, the reader responses range from people decrying my conservative hot takes, my liberal views or my “bothsides-ism.” This tells me that people are avoiding nuance, context or subtext.

My take on the phenomenon you describe is that one unexpected consequence of our president’s personal and public comportment is that it seems to have inspired a parallel mindset in the opposition. I do not lay the blame for the close-minded attitude of many progressives on the current administration; I simply note the parallels.

Each of us is entirely responsible for our own behavior. But the stereotyping and narrow-minded attitude you describe is something you might want to gently ask these liberal intellectuals to reflect upon. Practice a question: “Are you interested in learning more about how conservatives like me view current events — and what we are thinking about?”

Yes, it might be easier for you to sit through this sort of groupthink, but you should not take the blame for “ruining” a gathering simply because you have asked people to be openminded and rational. Nor do I think that you should feel forced to stay silent when others are being rude or reactionary.

Surely anyone worthy of being called a “liberal” should defend your right to speak your own mind and maintain an attitude of open-minded curiosity about people who think differently than they do.

Dear Amy: I’m a media producer with an emphasis on video production. I work on documentaries, so I usually work with people who don’t have on-camera experience.

When I put microphones on people, I try to make small talk about whatever common subjects I can think of (sports, pets, kids, etc.). The goal is to loosen them up to talk on camera and to alleviate some tension regarding me, a stranger, touching their body and clothes to properly place the mic and hide the cable.

Recently, I put a mic on a very pregnant woman. I was going to say, “Congratulations on the pending arrival, I have a daughter myself and it’s great ...”

Instead, I made a comment about the weather because I thought if I mentioned the pregnancy it would be akin to commenting on her body, and

I’m “woke” enough to know people, especially women, don’t like that.

Was I correct in not acknowledging the pregnancy, or would using the pregnancy to relate be acceptable? Trying to make people comfortable and relaxed is my No. 1 priority.

— Too Woke in Chicago?

Dear Too Woke: You understand the important role you have in helping to calm nerves during what can be a nerve-wracking process. Your sensitivity is commendable.

No, you should not mention a woman’s pregnancy as you are helping to affix her mic. The main reason is because a person getting ready to be interviewed on camera should be concentrating on their preparation. Pregnancy is a diverting topic to discuss.

If a woman makes a reference to her own pregnancy, then yes — congratulate and briefly share your positive parenting experience with her.

Dear Amy: “Just Wondering” was worried about his girlfriend’s habit of texting a (male) co-worker after work hours. I agree with you that any of us has the right to maintain friendships outside of the loverelationship, but Wondering’s girlfriend should show him her texts and reassure him. Secrecy makes all of this worse, maybe for no reason.

— Been There

Dear Been There: I agree. Copyright 2020 by Amy Dickinson Distributed by Tribune Content Agency